Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Concert Announcement, Lynn & Jackson
On this date in 1994, twelve miles of highway in Waverly, Tennessee became Loretta Lynn Parkway. That sure beats Howard Stern getting a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike named after him (True).
On this date back in 1975, Cher married Gregg Allman. It was a very successful marriage. It lasted 9 days (even mine have done better than that).
I went into my bank this afternoon and the the tellers were like, "Hey, what was the answer to More's Mystery this morning? We had to come in to work. We missed the answer." More's Mystery did go a bit long this morning. Finally, someone called in with the correct answer: The Bold & The Beautiful.
The Michael Jackson fiasco continues to heat up. Michael and his dad, Joe weren't exactly close, but yesterday, Joe and comedian Al Sharpton held a press conference. Joe plugged his new record label,then announced that Michael's funeral will be open to the public because "Michael would've wanted it that way".
YEAH, RIGHT! MICHAEL WAS A REAL DOWN-TO-EARTH, REGULAR JOE WHO LOVED MINGLING WITH THE PUBLIC, WASN'T HE? IF JOE JACKSON HAS HIS WAY, THEY'LL CHARGE ADMISSION AND SELL T-SHIRTS.
Meanwhile, Michael's mother has secured temporary custody of his 3 kids. She plans to request permanent custody and the right to raise them.........because who's better at raising kids than the mother of the Jackson family?
I mean she did such a great job with the first batch!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Not a Good Week To Be In Show Business
He was very popular in the 70's and 80's, but still often appeared on Letterman and he was a regular in Vegas and Branson. Here's another one that just came in today. Some of you might be old enough to remember Gale Storm, an actress who had a very popular TV show 600 years ago called My Little Margie. 
Hey, wait a minute. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.....that's three. Then Billy Mays, Fred Travalena and Gale Storm.....that's three. OH, MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY DOES COME IN THREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!
On a more cheerful note, Happy Birthday today to actor Gary Busey. He's 62 today.
How did this guy make it this far? Gary is one of those guys who if he got Alzheimer's, you wouldn't be able to tell. Anyway, Happy Birthday to him, Maria Conchita Alonzo is 52 today and comedian Richard Lewis is 62 today.Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wine & Whiskers, Good Bye, Ed & Good Bye, Farrah
It's been a rough week. We lost two iconic figures in the world of show business this week. Ed McMahon died at the age of 86, and I just heard a few hours ago about the death of Farrah Fawcett.
I was in my early twenties when Farrah Fawcett exploded on to the scene. I don't know of one man (and probably some women) who didn't fantasize about being with her. Yes, I had THEE poster. I think every guy had THEE poster
There was just nobody like her. Because she was so incredibly beautiful and sexy, the critics would often imply that she was nothing more than an untalented bimbo with great hair. In fact, thanks to Farrah, the term "Jiggle TV" came to be. After all, Charlie's Angels was hardly Shakespeare. But as time went on, she grew. Her role in "The Burning Bed" made the critics eat their words, and if you ever get a chance to see her in the movie "Extremities", a film about a rape victim who turns the tables on her rapist, you will see an incredibly strong and convincing performance.We were all aware of her battle with cancer over the last few years. We all pretty much knew how it was going to end, but even with expecting it, and even though I never personally met her, when I heard the news a few hours ago that she had died, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Farrah Fawcett was such an iconic figure on the American scene, that I think many of us felt we were in there with her, fighting the cancer. When she died today, maybe just a tiny bit of us died with her, those of us who watched her rise to stardom. Fortunately, when people in the public eye pass on, they stay with us in the form of still photos and videos. In that regard, Farrah Fawcett (and Ed McMahon) will always be here.
See ya around, Farrah.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
School Colors, Stale Bread & Happy Anniversary, Daryle And Kerry
I'll be out there all day, along with Kristin Nash and Braden Smith, and hope YOU will be too!Happy Birthday today to famed character actor Al Molinaro (Arnold from Happy Days and Murray the cop from The Odd Couple).
Al is 90 today.On this date in 1995, singer Daryle Singletary married actress Kerry Harvick at the First Baptist Church in Daryle's hometown of Comanche, Texas.
I thought this was interesting this morning. Timothy Allen Riggen of Fort Pierce, Florida was arrested for trying to sell fake crack cocaine, that in reality, was nothing more than stale bread. Since it wasn't really a drug, did he break a law? Yes, he did. The charge is felony possession of a counterfeit controlled substance with intent to sell within 1,000 feet of a convenience store. There actually is such a law. In other words, false advertising. Here's why I found this law crazy. Outside the convenience store, you can't sell stale bread on the streets, but INSIDE the convenience store, you COULD theoretically sell stale bread................perfectly legal.
Finally, the College of William & Mary, in their obsession for political correctness decided their sports team can still call themselves the Tribe. HOWEVER, their Indian mascot has to go because it is "demeaning" to Native Americans. I was born in this country. Doesn't that make me a native American? I don't find it demeaning, nor do I understand why American Indians would find it demeaning. It's part of our history. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Political correctness trumps common sense. At any rate, William & Mary has been looking for a new mascot for 3 years now with no success. The school president now has to choose from among a number of suggestions, ranging from a feathered horse to an asparagus stalk (I'm NOT making that up). Supporters of the asparagus stalk point out that if you serve asparagus with cheese melted on it, it's the school colors.
Perhaps more pressing, William & Mary might want to consider new school colors.
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Grant For Rikki, A Bomb On The Moon & A Bomb At Arby's
Brit is 66 today. In addition, Kris Kristofferson is 73 today.
Big savings at Memorial Park Cemetary in Indianapolis. They're having a big two for one sale. Buy one cemetary plot, get a second one free. General Manager Mark McCronklin says this is a promotion they run every year and it's always a huge success. They even have signs up saying no one will get turned down because of bad credit. So, if you can't afford the cost of living, at least in Indianpolis, they're helping you deal with the cost of dying.
NASA is planning on bombing the moon. The moon is mainly desert. NASA will send up a missile to blow a huge hole into the surface. This will be done for the purpose of finding water. The plan is to analye the space cloud the explosion raises for any traces of water or vapor. The unmanned vessel will be the first U.S. spacecraft to visit the moon since 1999.
All of this should go pretty well. Since 1999, we've had a lot of practice bombing deserts. They going to have to pick the spot they bomb very carefully. When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon, he put up a plaque, which reads "We came in peace for all mankind". We wouldn't want to bomb that plaque.The Delaware State Fire Marshall's office is looking for the man who damaged a toilet at Arby's in Talleyville, by setting off fireworks in the bathroom. Authorities say no one was injured, although there were five employees and two other customers in the restaurant at the time. All of those people heard a loud blast from the bathroom. They found a damaged toilet in the bathroom after the man in question left in a brown pick-up truck.
I wonder if they are positive fireworks did this. It might not have been.
I understand this sort of thing happens ALL the time at Taco Bell.Thursday, June 18, 2009
Dead Flies, Dead Pilots & Johnny Counterfit
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thunder Ticket Tuesday, 56 Stars & Taking Things A Little Too Literally
Nobody else has them. Only Thunder 104.5!I remember seeing a cartoon years ago in a newspaper. A big, burly biker-type guy was yelling at his tattoo artist who just finished his latest work of art on the biker's arm. The biker was screaming, "You idiot! I said I wanted it to say BORN TO LOSE." A close-up of the new tattoo showed that it read BORN TOO LOOSE. In a case of life imitating art, 18 year old Kimberly Vlaminck is suing her tattoo artist for $15,000.00, claiming that his English is so bad, that he misunderstood her, and after falling asleep in his chair, she woke up with 56 stars tattooed all over her face.
She says she now looks like a freak. People stare at her on the streets, and she wants money for painful and expensive laser tattoo removal. The tattoo artist claims that she got exactly what she asked for, and it was only when her father got mad and her boyfriend dumped her that she started complaining.She IS a freak, a freakishly sound sleeper. Who sleeps through getting 56 stars tattooed all over your face? Unless she was drunk.........and if she was drunk, how could she be sure what she asked for.
Finally, this story in today's news is actually cute. Pam Peterson of Cornelius, Oregon, called police to report her husband, William Peterson missing.
She told police that he left for a fishing trip on June 6 and never returned. After an expensive and time-consuming search that wasted eight officer's time, the police discovered that William just moved out and hadn't bothered to tell his wife. He said he and her had an argument and that she told him if he didn't like living there, he should move out. So, he took her up on it. He left. As of this past Monday, he moved back in.
Since he apparently likes to take her up on these things, the next time they have an argument, she should say, " Hey, if you don't like it, go jump in a lake."
See if he takes her up on that one.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Flip-Flop Stroble, Coach Tony & Love Story
Happy Birthday today to the "Rub It In" guy, Billy "Crash" Craddock. He is 70 today, so..........
I doubt he looks like that anymore.Happy Birthday TOMORROW to Coach Tony Garwood, head coach of the Stafford High School Bengals. Tony is loved and respected by students, players and families alike, and with his leadership, he led the Bengals last season to a 8 and 1 record. Happy Birthday, Coach!!
There is a sleeper movie out there. It's called "The Hangover"
Nobody expected the film to do much, but it held on to the top spot at the weekend movie box office for the second straight week, and so far, has brought in 33.4 million dollars. It's about a few guys who party so hard one night, that they wake up the next day in some very precarious positions and can't remember anything about the night before. The public calls "The Hangover" comical. The critics call it hysterical. I call it autobiographical.
Talk about a blockbuster.....when this movie came out in 1970, it was HUGE! It broke box office records. The critics hailed it as one of the greatest movies ever made. People went back to the theater to see it over and over again. Women AND men came out of the theater crying. People were walking around quoting the big catch phrase from the movie, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." It took the country by storm. I, also, saw "Love Story" several times and thought it was incredible.
That being the case, the mysterious affliction that kills his girlfriend in the movie was probably global warming.Monday, June 15, 2009
The Green Swimsuit, The Lombardi Quote & Trouble At Starbucks
Here he is....................................................and here he is at the time of his arrest.
All of this, of course, is a classic textbook example of how NOT to get a woman to share her ice cream with you. And ladies, here's the really good news................HE'S SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!I mentioned Vince Lombardi on the show the other morning and recited his famous quote: "Winning isn't everything. It's the ONLY thing".
Leslie, from our sales staff, pointed out to me that I made the same mistake many people make. I mis-quoted Lombardi. He didn't say, "Winning isn't everything. It's the ONLY thing. The actual quote is, “Winning isn't everything, but the will to win is everything.” My personal favorite Lombardi quote is, "We didn't lose the game. We just ran out of time." In addition, Vince said a lot of other things, many of which we can't repeat on radio or in this blog.Starbucks rang up double charges on millions of customers over the Memorial Day Weekend due to a computer glitch. My guess is that since it WAS Starbucks, nobody noticed.
"I'll have a Double Grande Latte Cappucino Supremo Mega Grandissimaximo Giganto de Humongo-Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong.....................decaf. How much is that? Forty-two dollars? Here you are."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Rae Sees Strait, Freedom Of Speech & A Major Dumb Criminal Alert
.................or Fran Drescher
DUMB CRIMINAL ALERT!! DUMB CRIMINAL ALERT!!
There's a home improvement store in Spokane, Washington called Ziggy's. Employees there found a bag of methamphetamines near the cash register this past Sunday. They called the police. While they were waiting for the police, in comes Christopher Wilson. Wilson explained that he had been in the store earlier and lost something. He wouldn't say what it was. However, he did leave his name, address and phone number, in case it turned up. Spokane police say surveillance video showed him leaving the bag of meth behind, and the information HE provided made it easy to track him down and arrest him.
WHAT A DOPE!!! THIS GUY MUST HAVE BEEN ON DRUGS OR SOMETHING.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Kristin Nash, Ahmed Ghailani & 36 Hot Dogs
He's been brought in to New York City to stand trial for bombing U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya. I think since he and I are both going to be in New York City this weekend, authorities should bring him to my show at the Manhattan Comedy Club. Ninety minutes of watching me onstage and he'll be begging to go back to Gitmo. It's worst than being water boarded.
Finally, this morning I promised you a picture of this young lady. She's 41 year-old Sonya Thomas of Alexandria,
and she refers to herself as a "competitive eater". She has, in fact, just won the title of the Virginia Hot Dog Eating Champion, for the third time. She won the title this past Saturday at the competition held in Norfolk by eating 36 hot dogs in 10 minutes. I wanted you to see a picture of her because I'm sure you agree she doesn't look like the a young lady who would eat 36 hot dogs in 10 minutes. BeforeI saw what she looks like, I was picturing a woman who looks like John Madden. I was surprised to see that she's actually quite cute, and I was amazed to find out that she only weighs 100 pounds. I don't know if this chick is bulimic or what, but it's all pretty amazing. In addition, the video of her eating the hot dogs just made number one on YOU TUBE, although I have a feeling men are the only ones watching it, but nevertheless..............Monday, June 8, 2009
Flip-Flop Fridays, Happy Birthday, Barb & Botox On eBay
...except for the hat. If she wore the hat......................PERFECT!
She was the last living survivor of the Titanic. She was an infant at the time of the sinking. She died at the age of 97. She always said the sinking of the Titanic was the second worst maritime disaster in history. The WORST maritime disaster in history was Kathy Lee Gifford singing on Carnival Cruise Lines.
Finally, there's trouble on the Internet. Health experts are concerned about illegal sales of Botox online. The consumer magazine "Which?" recently discovered someone auctioning off a do-it-yourself Botox kit on eBay. It comes complete with Botox, a syringe, and a face map. It was removed as soon as eBay was notified, but it could be just the tip of the Internet iceberg. The editor of "Which?" reminds everyone that Botox IS a poison, and if injected in the wrong area, it could produce shocking results.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
J & J Tile, Little Tire & Living Large
Tomorrow, it's another live, remote broadcast at one of my favorite places to do these at, J & J Tile & Marble. I'll be out there from 12 Noon until 2. If you're looking for tile and/or marble, the prices at J & J are being dropped drastically while I'm out there. But even if you're not in the market for tile or marble, just stop by anyway to say, "Hi". I think sometimes, people have the wrong impression of these remotes. When you stop by, you're under no obligation and absolutely no purchase is necessary. It's just a chance for you to come by to see us, shake hands and spin the prize wheel and maybe win a prize for yourself.
ONLY IN AMERICA!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wild Hair, Free Viagra & No Orange Juice
He was arrested and charged with improper use of 9-1-1, a Class B misdemeanor punishable in Oregon by up to 6 months in jail and a fine of $2,500.00. Calling 9-1-1 because you didn't get your orange juice is not what 9-1-1 was intended for. Beside, if this guy is such a health nut, that he was freaking out about not getting his orange juice, what was he doing at McDonald's anyway?
Andy is 83 today. 
...and a guy who gives Marty Stuart a run for his money in the hair department, Ronnie Dunn, of Brooks & Dunn, is also celebrating a birthday today.
He is 56 today.In medical news (sort of): Pfizer, Incorporated continues to supply free Viagra to customers who lost their job. Of course, if you experience unemployment for more than 4 hours, tell your doctor.
They're telling us that in the very, very near future, like within the next few years, elections will be all-digital and online. No more going out to the polling places (unless you don't own a computer). You will be able to vote online in the comfort of your own home. I don't know if this whole online voting thing is going to work. Honolulu just held the nation's first online election. The overwhelming winner...............................................................
.................................................PAM ANDERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Archives
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