Thursday, May 28, 2009
Slashed Tires, Delusional Economic "Experts" & Big Holes
His name is Alexander Kabelis. He's 31, and was arrested last Thursday night in Boulder, Colorado on suspicion of criminal mischief and carrying a concealed weapon. It seems he went on a tire slashing rampage, destroying the tires on about 50 vehicles including 9 police and sheriff's cars. When arrested, he admitted to doing it, and explained he had 4 good reason as to why.
2.) He was angry about losing his driver's license a couple of years ago.
3.) He said he's suffering from "radiation poisoning from the Rocky Flats Production Facility.And, my personal favorite.......
4.) He did it because he had to get braces on his teeth back in the nineties.W H A T !!!!!!!!!!???????????????? You know what surprises me about this story? Scroll back up and take another look at this guy. He looks like such a normal, well-adjusted person (great hair).
Congratulations to Jo Ann Reynolds. She was today's winner of the 6 quarts of Belvedere Plantation strawberries. Braden Smith & I delivered them to her this morning at her place of employment, the Stafford County Circuit Court. As you would suspect, it's a pretty high-level security place. Not only did Braden and I have to walk through a metal detector, but they made us send the strawberries through the x-ray machine. I guess it's best to be safe. The strawberry season is short. we should get one more week out of it. It's not too late to register to win next weeks harvest. You can do that on the home page of this website.
Time now for a little fantasy: According to some economic experts, the current recession may be over. I maintain that most of these type of comments are politically motivated, but nevertheless, these "experts" claim the numbers are better for jobless claims, home sales and big-ticket items. These "experts" say these numbers support the view that the recession has hit rock bottom, and things are looking better from here on in. So, later today, when you're being thrown out of your house, or while you're standing in the unemployment line, you think about that for awhile............and you'll feel better.
Finally, our Dumb Criminal Award for the day: Police in Memphis arrested 18 year-old Ezederick Jones.
Ezederick was fired from the Kentucky Fried Chicken in Memphis, but then went back and tried to rob the restaurant............the day after he was fired. The manager of the KFC, a woman, said a masked man with a knife rushed through the back door, demanding cash from the safe. The manager knew it was Ezederick because he made the eye holes of the mask too big. She could easily see his face and, of course, recognized him. A struggle ensued, and when the manager referred to him by name, he fled. Police picked him up and arrested him shortly after. So, he makes a mask, but he makes the eye holes too big and they see his face. This guy sounds like such a dope, he probably left his name tag on too. So, he's been arrested and he's out of work.
Krispy Cream was thinking about hiring him, but they changed they mind. They're afraid he'll make the donut holes too big.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Chesney Tickets, Love Seats & Dead Pigs
Be listening for Kenny for when he opens an ice cold Corona. When you hear that happen, be the 10th caller at 710-1045, and the tickets are yours.
I will have at least 2 chances for you to win tickets tomorrow morning.
Panic continues to ensue around the world over swine flu. The World Society for the Protection of Animals is criticizing Egypt for their insane decision to kill all of their pigs, 300,000 of them in all. Egypt decided to kill all of their pigs because they thought it would cut down on swine flu. The World Health Organization reminded them that this was completely UN necessary because the disease is spread through humans, NOT pigs. Too late now. On the plus side, the cost of footballs should go way down this year.
A good story with a happy ending comes out of North Platte, Nebraska. A 6 year-old boy grabbed the wheel of his family's pickup truck when his father passed out behind the wheel from an attack of low blood sugar. Tustin Mains (No, it's not a typo. That's his name) was in the back seat with his 3 year-old brother on Sunday. His father was driving. They were all coming back from a restaurant. The boy leaped into his father's lap so he could steer and see out the windshield. Even though his dad's foot had slipped off the accelerator of the Chevrolet Avalanche, it was still going at around 15 miles per hour. The boy steered the truck for several blocks, until he was spotted by North Platte Police Officer Roger Freeze, who ran along side the truck on foot and was eventually able to reach inside through an open window and ram the gearshift into park. Nobody got hurt. In fact, there wasn't even any property damage.
My question in all this: How do you suffer from low blood sugar coming BACK from a restaurant?
Finally, a sad note in the world of show business: Late last week, Wayne Allwine died. He was the actor who did the voice of Mickey Mouse for the last 30 years.
Here he is pictured with his wife of 20 years, Russi Taylor, who oddly enough, did the voice of Minnie Mouse. She was at his side at the time of his death. He was 62.I guess the thing for be to be thankful for here, is that when it's my time "to go", I can be pretty sure that my obituary will NOT contain the phrase, "Minnie Mouse was at his side."
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Fossils, Gitmo & Credit Cards
Caleb has a a very serious, degenerative disease called Leukodystrophy. This is a progressive degeneration of the white matter in the brain due to imperfect development of the fatty covering that acts as an insulator around the nerve fiber. Caleb was diagnosed with this disease about a month ago when he stopped walking. Shortly after that, he stopped crawling. Then he stopped talking and chewing his food. He is now back on baby food. Caleb needs a bone marrow transplant. If he doesn't get it, or if he does and his body rejects it, he will probably not make it past 5 years old. Caleb has some local ties here in Fredericksburg, and a local fund-raiser is going to be held next Friday night, May 29 at BT's. The band Unfriendly Possum will be playing, plus there will be raffles, all to benefit Caleb's family. You can imagine the financial crush on the family, especially in this economy. For more information on the event, please call Shirley at 540 907-0747.Big science news this week...........maybe. Scientists in New York held a press conference on Tuesday to reveal what they claim is the "missing link", proving Darwin's theory that humans evolved from apes. It's the fossil remains of a 47 million year-old lemur-like monkey. They named it Ida, and a public relations firm has been hired to represent it.
I don't need any of this. As far as I'm concerned, we already had proof that humans are related to apes. (see specimen below)
I realize most of you aren't home during the day, so you can't sit around watching news like I do almost everyday. Well, I don't exactly SIT AROUND. I go about with what I have to do, but the news is always on in the background. This was quite a day news-wise. First, we had a speech from President OH-bama. He's been on this kick to close down Guantanamo Bay and transfer the terrorists - I'm sorry, the DETAINEES (it sounds so much nicer, doesn't it?) - to the United States. I never understood why he would want to do this, and apparently neither does the U.S. Senate. They voted overwhelmingly to block the plan. So, he held a press conference today to re-plead his case. Basically he feels Gitmo is against what America stands for. He also repeated that water boarding was not necessary is getting information from the terrorists - OOPS - DETAINEES. As he has said so many times before, he believes there are other methods which we could have used. The problem is he never tells us what those methods are. Where would you put these prisoners? There was talk that Virginia would get many of them, Alexandria in particular. At first, I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, but the more I think about it, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. If you insist upon closing down Gitmo, put these guys in our federal prisons PROVIDED they are placed in the general population of the prison. I have a feeling if we did that, this whole thing might have a way of working itself out.
I'm sure you heard by now that the house passed legislation that would impose new restrictions on the credit card industry. Nobody likes the credit card industry and there's no doubt about it, it is a vial industry. So, OH-bama is definitely scoring some points with this one. As usual, he has the back-up of the mainstream media, who are reporting all the things in the bill we WANT to hear. But, they are conveniently leaving out some other points you might NOT like so much....that is IF you are a responsible person who pays your bills on time. If you are one of those people who pays your credit card payments on time, or worse, pays off your balance every month, you could be penalized in the form of higher annual fees. Basically YOU will be subsidizing the IRRESPONSIBLE people who either can't or won't pay their credit cards bills. It's very nice of you.
But this is my favorite: The bill includes a requirement that consumers receive at least 45 days' notice and an explanation before their interest rate is increased.
........AN EXPLANATION!!!???????????
"OK, we're raising your interest rate to 33%.....because WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Strawberries, Shirley Jones & Jury Duty
...but I thought it was a little over the top. So, I'll be in regular street clothes. You'll recognize me. I'll be the guy who looks like he's going to fall asleep any moment.
True, she IS still attractive FOR a 75 year-old woman....
.......BUT POSING IN PLAYBOY!!!?? This is one edition of Playboy where I really will read the articles.
I guess we can put the label, "A REAL DOPE", on this guy.
Twenty-five year-old Grant Faber of Hillsboro, Oregon was right in the middle of jury duty, and it wasn't going exactly as he wanted it to. He found it to be a little slow for his taste. So, when they broke for lunch, Faber went out and never returned. This didn't sit well with Washington County Circuit Judge Gayle Nachtigal, who issued a warrant for his arrest. If you walk out of jury duty without returning, you better have a really good reason. Unfortunately, Faber's reason wasn't so good. When police caught up with him on May 7, they asked him why he skipped out. He told police he was "extremely bored and just couldn't take it anymore". Following the judges orders, the officers arrested Faber on a charge of contempt of court. he'll be arraigned this coming Tuesday morning. If he's found guilty, and I would say it's a shoe-in that he will be, he could get up to 6 months in jail. So, if he thought he was bored before....................Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Nancy Kwan, The Amazing OH-bama & Rikki's Refuge
...and here she is today.....
I'll remind you of this again as we get closer to it, but here's a date to mark on your calendar, Sunday, May 31. It's the Spring Open house at Rikki's Refuge in Orange County. For those of you who might not know, Rikki's Refuge is a no-kill, domestic/farm animals and wildlife sanctuary. It's a great place that does a lot of good, and allows animals who would otherwise probably be euthanized, to live out their lives with proper care . Rae and I were at the open house last year, and we're going back this year. We had a great time. Tours will leave the gift shop every half hour from 12:30 to 3:30, and this is a very hands-on tour. You can pet and feed the animals and get up close and personal with them. In addition, refreshments will be served. There will be a 50/50 raffle, plus regional artist Carroll Morgan will be there sketching charcoal portraits for donations to Rikki's. I look forward to seeing you there. By the way, don't forget, this is an outdoor event, so dress appropriately. Last year, Rae wore this... like... Mona Lisa Vito outfit from My Cousin Vinny..........
..............completely out of place. I wasn't much better. Together, we looked like Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor from Green Acres.
I got home just in time today to hear President OH-bama giving his speech on his plans to propose the first national emission limits and mileage requirements for cars and trucks. This, of course, is just what an already beaten-down auto industry needs. Chalk up another one for the environmentalist nuts. OH-bama says that by 2016, all vehicles would have to get an average of 35.5 miles per gallon. This would cost consumers an extra $1,300.00 per vehicle, but OH-bama claims they would eventually make it back by using less gas. He also said it would be the environmental equivalent of taking 177 million cars off the road.
The media also reported that to make it even more enticing, OH-bama will wave his hands over the cars and give them the ability to drive on top of water.
Here's a picture of the car we will all be driving soon if this administration gets it's way.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Happy Birthday, George, Congrats to Rachel & Holiday Remote Broadcasts
Rae and I had a chance to stop by the new Fredericksburg SPCA over the weekend. It is VERY NICE. Yes, they are officially open to the public, right on Courthouse Road near Four Mile Fork, and you're invited to stop by and check it out. Our thanks to Debra Joseph for giving us the grand tour. Remember, the Fredericksburg SPCA relies solely on your donations, so when you stop by, if you can donate some money, great, but even if you can't, they always welcome towels, blankets, dog food, cat food, toys, crates, etc. They will have their official grand opening/open house soon. We'll keep you posted.
Happy Birthday today to George Strait.
The man has had 57 number one hits in as many yearsWe have several live remote broadcasts coming up this week, during which you can stop by and be a part of the fun. For one, on Monday, Memorial Day, I'll be out broadcasting live at Rosner Toyota in Fredericksburg. I would LOVE for you to come out and say "Hi".
Speaking of live events, many of you know that I've been involved in the entertainment business for over 40 years, and aside from doing More In The Morning on Thunder, I also do a live stage show which includes comedy, adult comedy-magic, E.S.P. illusions, comedy stage hypnosis and audience participation. Many people have been asking when I would be doing the show in this area. Well, I'm happy to report that my entire two-hour stage show is booked at the Riverboat On The Potomac in Colonial Beach for Saturday, July 11. This is not a remote broadcast. This is my live stage show and is for adults only. I'll be telling you more about this show as it gets closer, but for now, for more information, contact the Riverboat On The Potomac at 804-224-7055, or go to their website at http://www.theriverboat.net/
Finally, jockey Calvin Borel rode Rachel Alexandra to the first Preakness win by a filly in 85 years. There have been a lot of problems at The Preakness over the last few years with a bunch of drunks fighting and brawling in the infield, people flashing various body parts, that sort of thing. As a result, this year, event organizers banned people from bringing their own booze in. Guess what. Attendance dropped by 30%. One former racegoer wrote on Facebook, "What's the point of going?.....as if there's some reason to be there, other than drinking and partying."
Well, for one thing, isn't there some kind of horse race that goes on.....or something....I guess the comes along after every one's passed out.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Another Trip To Florida, A Stuttering Pelosi & A Cereal Killer
.........which could explain why she always looks so surprised.
Another possibility here is that she WAS told about the water boarding, but couldn't hear anything at the time because she had just finished getting her ears botoxed.
Finally, police in Needham, Massachuttes, stopped a man for speeding and driving erratically. When they approached the car, the driver was eating a bowl of cereal behind the wheel. Police told The Boston globe that the 48 year-old man was also driving with an expired license. The driver's name wasn't released. There was also no mention as to WHAT cereal he was eating. HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN EATING BRAN CEREAL. THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY HE WAS DRIVING SO FAST. When this guy goes to court, he should plead insanity............or more specifically, he should tell the judge that he's COO-COO FOR COCOA PUFFS!"
Thursday, May 14, 2009
It Seemed like A Good Idea At The Time, Jon And Kate Plus Denny & Stimulus For The Dead
Here's a classic case of just not thinking something through very thoroughly: A Pennsylvania high school ordered 450 shot glasses for it's prom souvenir. As Warwick High School students left last week's prom, the prom committee handed each of them a souvenir shot glass. Last year, the girls each got a picture frame, and the boys got a money clip. However, this year, Assistant Principal Scott Galen had this to say: "Unfortunately, this year, the junior class didn't have a lot of money. In retrospect, this was a bad decision and definitely sends the wrong message."
NORMALLY, MR. GALEN WOULDN'T HAVE MADE SUCH A DECISION, BUT HE WAS DRUNK AT THE TIME.
(Alright, I made that last part up)
Rae's been hooked on one of these stupid, so-called reality shows called "Jon & Kate Plus Eight". I have TRIED to watch it. Can't do it. The show is about this young couple with eight kids and how they deal with the kids everyday.
I just couldn't get into it. Well, now, there are rumors of infidelity circulating around this couple. Kate, the wife on the show denies claims that she cheated on Jon with the bodyguard whose been assigned to travel with them (they've both become celebrities because of the show). The accusations come just weeks after stories of Jon having an affair with a 23 year-old schoolteacher. So, now, I find myself thinking, "Hmmmm....he's fooling around with a 23 year-old schoolteacher....She's doing it with the bodyguard......Gee, maybe I do want to start watching this show after all." Then again, this could be all publicity to get guys like me to start watching the show.Rose Hagner of Anne Arundel, Maryland just received her $250.00 check from the OH-bama stimulus bill. There's is one problem here. Rose has been dead for more than 40 years.
This is her son, James. He's 83.
He said he was shocked when the check came in the mail, but then he laughed and now he says he's just going to hold on to it as a souvenir. A spokesperson for Social Security says they didn't have time to clean up the records before hurrying out the checks. DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAN UP THE RECORDS???? SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR MORE THAN 40 YEARS!! Social Security estimates they sent out about 10,000 stimulus checks to dead people. WHAT??????????!! That's a good step toward getting the economy back on track, isn't it? Social Security adds that since it is illegal to cash someone else's Social Security check, it shouldn't cost the government much in fraud. I guess they mean not much more than usual.In fairness to Social Security, they probably assumed Rose was still alive because ACORN probably registered her to vote.
More's Mystery's fourth clue for tomorrow: It's one of my favorite TV networks.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stroble, Rucker, OH-bama & A Mighty Wind
That's right, President OH-bama is the headliner at an extravagant, big-time money fundraiser for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, to be held at Caesar's Palace Colosseum. A bunch of celebrities will be there...........the usual suspects, people like Sheryl Crow, Bette Midler, etc, etc, etc. The Mayor of Vegas says he hopes he can get close enough to the Prez to ask him to do the right thing and "tell people he recognizes Las Vegas as a great spot for serious meetings". IF HE COULD DO THAT SURROUNDED BY VEGAS SHOWGIRLS, THAT WOULD BE GOOD. Better yet, maybe he could arrange for a photo opp by having Air Force One fly low over Hooter's Hotel & Casino. If you think about it, OH-bama is the perfect Las Vegas guest. He's a high roller. He throws trillions of dollars around at a time. True, it's our money, but never the less................
Also, Happy Birthday to Carrie Prejean, Miss California. She's 22 today. Speaking of Miss Prejean, we know a little more today than we did yesterday about Donald Trump's ruling that Prejean can keep her title. First of all, I thought about posting the photos in question here, but I suspect the management of Thunder might frown upon that. If you really want to see them, they're all over the Internet. I've seen them. WOW! Trump says he's seen them and he thought they were lovely. He also brought up a very good point. President OH-bama has stated he also opposes gay marriage. Prejean was just expressing the same opinion. As far as the photos, Prejean says they are the work of an unscrupulous photographer, releasing unauthorized photos, which were taken during a break on a windy day. It must have been very windy. Apparently, the wind blew her blouse right off. That's also probably why Trump sympathized with her...because of the strong wind. Strong wind is the worst enemy of his comb-over.
Not only was it windy when the photos were taken, but apparently it was cold, as well. The bottom line is the photos are gorgeous, and my guess is that the only reason she did those photos was to help as many men as possible NOT be gay.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Strawberries, The High Cost Of Cigarettes & A Man With WAAAAY Too Much Time On His Hands
It's strawberry time again. Once again, you can register right here on this website (go back to the homepage) to have me personally deliver 6 quarts of fresh, delicious strawberries from Belvedere Plantation, right to you. Someone will be selected every Thursday, starting this week. So, Sign up and hopefully, I'll be seeing you.
Happy Birthday today to Vanessa Williams. She's 45. She was the first black Miss America, and the first Miss America to have her crown taken away because it was discovered that she posed nude prior to the Miss America competition (strictly against the rules).
She went on to a very successful singing and acting career, and these days, hardly anyone remembers the first runner-up who became the new Miss American when Williams was dethroned, but almost everyone knows Vanessa. I'm happy to report that Donald Trump, who now owns the Miss U.S.A. Pageant finally broke his silence today and ruled that Miss California, Carrie Prejean can keep her crown. Some photos have popped up of her which were shot before the Miss California Pageant. They're not exactly nude shots, but the liberals went after her after she answered a question during the Miss U.S.A. pageant, in which she said she didn't believe in same-sex marriage, and that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Trump said that although some of the photos were "racy", in general, they are "fine and lovely". I'm not a big Trump fan, but good call on this one. Let's hope Carrie follows in the footsteps of Vanessa Williams.Also, Happy Birthday to the great Yogi Berra. He's 84. Kix Brooks is 53 today.
This is Monica Wood. She's 52. 
This past weekend, in the middle of the night, she knocked on the door of a total stranger in Clearwater, Florida and ask for a cigarette. What makes the story even more bizarre, is that she was completely naked at the time. BayNews9-TV reports that when the deputies arrived a short time later, they found her walking around a mobile home park. By then, she had at least put on a pair of boxer shorts. Apparently, cigarettes have become SO expensive, smokers can't afford clothing anymore. Wood was charged with disorderly conduct.
Enrique Miramontes was 16 when he decided to start making what he hoped would someday be the world's biggest paper ball.
Now, at the age of 22, his big paper ball sits between his couch and his TV. It weighs over 200 pounds and it has it's own website. He has spent 2,015 hours on it, and spent $3,000.00 on masking tape to hold it all together. His girlfriend says she can barely roll it out of the way to clean, and she used to complain, but now she's used to it.
Monday, May 11, 2009
A Health Warning, Waterboarding & Happy Birthday To Calypso Louie
Tomorrow's Fourth Clue for More's Mystery: This person is a singer, dancer, choreographer and television personality.
Happy Birthday today to comedian Mort Sahl. He's 82. Does anybody out there remember Martha Quinn? She was one of the original vee jays on MTV, when they first went on the air a hundred years ago. She's 50 today. Nation of Islam Leader Louis Farrakhan is celebrating a birthday today, and no joke, Farrakhan really was a calypso singer back in the fifties (his name was Eugene Walcott at the time). In fact, he recorded several calypso albums back then under the name "The Charmer".
Louie is 76 today.
This morning, we were talking about the guy in Clifton Park, New York who claims he found a severed snake head in his salad at the TGI Friday's up there. His name is Jack Pendleton and not everybody thinks this guy is legit. Some people think he threw the snake head in there for attention (He HAS made national news). Others think he's just setting himself up for a lawsuit. He says he has no intentions to sue(that would be even rarer than finding a snake head in your salad), but he DID snap a picture of it using his cellphone.
A spokeswoman for the chain says they're investigating. It's wasn't immediately known what kind of snake it was (WHAT THE HECK DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?). Pendleton and his girlfriend were not charged for their meals. YOU MEAN THEY SAT THERE AND FINISHED THEIR MEALS!!!!????? What's interesting here is Pendleton says he has no intentions of suing, BUT he DID take a picture if it. So, he either does have intentions of suing, or he took a photo because he believes that when you find a snake head in your salad, it's one of those moments you want to cherish forever. The other possibility here is that the guy really did find a snake head in his salad because he wasn't at TGI Friday's.....he was actually at a Japanese restaurant.According to a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll, most Americans do NOT believe Congress should investigate officials in the Bush Administration for authorizing harsh interrogation procedures, including water boarding. Of the 2,019 adult Americans polled between April 23 through April 26, 50% APPROVED of the Bush Administration's decision to go ahead with the water boarding. Another 46% disapproved and 3% had no opinion (That always cracks me up in these polls. How can you have NO opinion?). When the same people were asked, "Regardless of whether you approve or disapprove of water boarding, do you feel it is a form of torture?", 60% said, "Yes", 36% said "No", and 3% (you guessed it) had no opinion. When asked if Congress should investigate, as some lawmakers are urging, 57% said, "No", 42% said, "Yes", and 1% had no opinion. So, there you have it. Interesting little side note on this survey: Of the people polled, 100% said they believe water boarding SHOULD be done on Dr. Phil.
Finally, another warning today from the World Health Organization regarding the swine flu. They're saying, in order to keep from getting the flu, avoid places where large numbers of people gather.................like Paris Hilton's bedroom.
My name is Denny More. I'll be here all week. Good Night!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Kirstie Gains, Jessica Loses & Happy Birthday, Mr. Warmth
Don is 83 today and STILL WORKING! Good for him.
Happy Birthday, "W"!
Interesting little tid-bit of information regarding TODAY'S date. It was on this date, May 8 in 1944, that the first "eye bank" was established and opened in New York City. It closed shortly thereafter, because the night deposit slot kept creeping a lot of people out. (Alright, I made that last part up)
More's Mystery's fourth clue for Monday morning: This occupation was highlighted in the movie "The Perfect Storm".
Reuters is reporting today that some baby foods contain as much sugar and saturated fats as chocolate biscuits or cheeseburgers. This comes from a survey of more than 100 foods for babies and toddlers. Christine Haigh, a spokesperson for the Children's Food Campaign, says, "The results of this survey are staggering. Many foods marketed for babies and young children are advertised as healthy. In reality, in terms of sugar and saturated fat content, some are worse than junk food."
In a related story, this morning, actress Kirstie Alley publicly admitted that she's addicted to Gerber Foods.
Alright, I made that last part up. Poor Kirstie. She's really very pretty, and at one point, pretty slim. Then, she put on an enormous amount of weight. But then, she got a gig endorsing Jenny Craig, and sure enough, she lost all the weight she had put on. Now, People Magazine is reporting that she put all the weight back on again. Forget Jenny Craig, if she keeps it up, she'll be able to get a new gig endorsing yo-yo's.On the other end of that, Jessica Simpson has successfully lost the weight she put on. In fact, Jessica tells us she now has the same dimensions as the famous statue Venue de Milo. So, congratulations, Jess!
Of course, if you're interested in SAT scores, I'd go with the statue.Thursday, May 7, 2009
Miss California Revisited, Chaos At KFC & Shocking News About Ozzy Osbourne
This jerk, Perez Hilton, who asked Carrie Prejean the question in the first place, probably spent more time looking at her shoes than her.Next, a shocking disclosure from Ozzy Osbourne yesterday (as reported in the United Kingdom's Daily Report). Ozzy has admitted that he was WASTED during the 3 years of filming his so-called reality show, "The Osbournes". His wife, Sharon, also admitted it is true. She said, "As Ozzy will tell you, the three years that we were filming, Ozzy was stoned the whole time. He wasn't sober for one day."
Gee, it's hard to believe. He always came across as such a coherent guy.The Gaffe-Master, comedian Joe Biden, did it again last week. While on the "Today" show with Matt Lauer, Biden said that people should avoid public transportation such as planes, trains and subways in order to avoid getting the swine flu. As we reported in a previous blog entry, this panicked New Yorkers and enraged Mayor Mike Bloomberg. All of this got national attention, embarrassing the OH-bama administration, who immediately issued a "clarification". Well, now the Las Vegas Tourism Board took out a full page ad in USA Today suggesting that Biden come to Las Vegas, because what happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas. In the ad, it says, "Mr. Vice President, if you said it here, no one would have known." I agree. Biden should go to Vegas. He would blend in very well. Thanks to the free cocktails, Vegas in full of middle-aged guys who wander around and ramble incoherently.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?? Wow! John Edwards should have spent his entire campaign there!Finally, chaos at KFC! Yesterday, Kentucky Fried Chicken tried a promotion to let people know about their new GRILLED chicken. They had Oprah offer her viewers a coupon for a free grilled chicken piece. Viewers were told they could download the coupon from Oprah's website. The response was HUGE, bigger than anybody thought it would be. In fact, so many people tried to get on Oprah's website, that it crashed. The people who did get on noticed there was no limit and they printed a stack of them. KFCs nationwide were jammed with incredibly long lines. Some of the stores stopped taking the coupons. Others ran out of chicken, and when a store in New York ran out and stopped honoring the coupons, a riot broke out!! All of this proves one thing: Americans will eat healthy food...........as long as it's free!!
The people in New York got so hungry, they ate the coupons... and since they all idolize Oprah and want to be just like her, they also wanted free mashed potatoes and gravy!!
(Alright, I made that last part up)Tomorrow morning's fourth clue: This place is known for it's unusual animal life.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Saturday Night In the Cage, Miss California & "Mommy, Why Is My Sleeve Turning green?"
I've mentioned this before on the air. This is some WILD STUFF! You've probably seen it on TV, but it's something else seeing it in person. To be honest with you, it's probably not for everybody, but if you're looking for some real excitement on a Saturday night, you can't beat this. As the announcer, I step into the cage to introduce the fighters for each bout and of course, to announce the winner after the fight. I tell people this all the time. Just stepping into the cage is a weird feeling. For one thing, it looks bigger from the outside. When you actually get in it, it's not that big. It seems a lot smaller from the inside, and when you think about what goes on in there............well..........it's just an odd feeling being in there. One thing's for sure, you will definitely get your money's worth and you'll walk out of there at the end of the night knowing you saw something. Hope to see you there.
....and immediately started EATING!!!
...and, of course, what better way to stop the spread of germs than by encouraging kids to hock up phlegm on their sleeves.I am LOVING this one! Senator Arlen Spector decided to flip from Republican to Democrat about a week ago. It has now come out that he apparently made a deal with Majority Leader Harry Reid, who promised him that if he switched parties, he'd be able to keep his 29 years of seniority. Seniority is a big deal with Senators. Committee positions are based on it. Guess what. Yesterday, the Senate voted to strip Spector of his seniority through the rest of this session. He is now the most junior Democratic member of most committees. I hear the Republicans have told him he can flip back again, but he would be required to wear shorts pants and a beanie with a propeller
The most amazing part of this story is: How can someone who has spent 29 years in the Senate, be so stupid as to make a deal with Harry Reid?
Finally, we haven't talked about the whole Carrie Prejean, Miss California in the Miss U.S.A. pageant.
I've about had it with the left-wing media attacking and trying to ruin this woman who, when asked how she felt about gay marriage, answered how she honestly felt about it, as opposed to the politically correct answer. She said she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. WHAT!!!!!??????????? WHAT KIND OF CRAZY IDEA IS THAT?????!!!! Many people believe that her response cost her the title of Miss U.S.A. Not satisfied with that, now they want to strip her of her Miss California title as well. By the way, the judge who asked Prejean the controversial question was a guy by the name of Perez Hilton, an openly gay man. Donald Trump, the guy who walks around with the roadkill on his head, owns the Miss U.S.A. pageant. It's his pageant. My question to Trump is this: WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE A GAY MAN ON THE PANEL JUDGING THE SEX APPEAL OF A WOMAN???????? Let's face it, that's what these pageants are all about. Otherwise, why would you have these women parade around in swimsuits? I know, I know they say it's not about physical beauty. It's more about brains and inner beauty. So, what are you telling me? It's just a coincidence that all 50 women are drop-dead gorgeous?? Anyway, I think it's awful how this brave young lady is being persecuted, and I think many of you feel the same way. I think we're going to open the phone lines on this one tomorrow and give you a chance to voice your opinion about it. My direct line into the studio: 540 710-1045,
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