Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Big Pill, More Hot Dogs & The Big Mac Attack
In case you didn't get enough hot dogs last week at our Martinsville Speedway tickets remotes, this week, the Thunder crew we'll be out in front of the Walmart in Central Park. It'll be on Friday starting at 11 A.M. You give us a cash donation to benefit the March Of Dimes March For Babies, and we'll give you a hot dog lunch. No, not the Martinsville-style dogs, but the more traditional dogs. So, make plans to join the Thunder crew for lunch this Friday.
Along with the government wanting to takeover banks and private industry, apparently they're also getting into the mental health profession. The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration is offering an online kit to help fight off the mental effects of a rough economy. The administration says signs of emotional stress caused by the bad economy are ANGER, IRRITABILITY, DEPRESSION, INSOMNIA, ANXIETY, FATIGUE AND PERSISTENT CRYING. The government plans a massive effort to promote the website. How much is that going to cost? Another 5 trillion dollars? My problem is every time I hear President OH-bama give a speech on how he's going to fix the economy, I feel ANGER, IRRITABILITY, DEPRESSION, INSOMNIA, ANXIETY, FATIGUE and all of that is usually accompanied by PERSISTENT CRYING. By the way, you might also be feeling out of sorts from the recession because you can't sleep...because you're using 3 old pizza boxes for a bed.
I've reached a point in life where I'm taking pills ever day. A few years ago, my cholesterol reading looked like a social security number, so I take a statin everyday. The I discovered I had acid reflux (Wasn't that a heavy-metal group back in the 80s?), so I take a pill for that as well. I'm lucky. I know there are people who take a lot more medication than that everyday. For them, comes the "polypill", developed by researchers at McMaster University in Ontario. It's 5 different heart medications packed into one pill. It's an aspirin, a cholesterol drug, and three 3 blood pressure medications. Researchers say it's good news because it's simpler, it's less expensive than multiple pills, and it's more effective because some older people take so many pills, they often forget to take some. This would enable them to replace a lot of pills with just one pill. It's the size of a basketball, but, hey......... The good news is you won't have a stroke. The bad news is you'll probably choke to death on the pill.
Finally, remember the scene in Falling Down, where Michael Douglas goes into a fast food restaurant for breakfast, but because it's one minute after 11 A.M., he couldn't get breakfast, only lunch, and he loses it and starts shooting up the place? Guess what. It happened in real life in Salt Lake City, Utah over the weekend. Salt Lake City Detective Dennis McGowan says 3 people pulled up to the drive-thru at a McDonalds at around 2:00 A.M., Sunday morning. They wanted dinner, but were told by the clerk that only breakfast was available at that time. They became irate and started screaming at the clerk. Then, they pulled the car up a little. One guy got out of the car and went in the truck, where he pulled out a sawed-off shotgun and shot up the drive-thru window. The clerk saw it coming, ducked for cover and was unhurt. The car then sped away. Police are still looking for them. So, this guy shoots up the McDonald's, all because they told him he couldn't order from the dinner menu and would have to have breakfast. I guess he's used to going to Burger King and having it his way.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Hot Dogs, An Old Lady & A Wedding
Speaking of dogs, we go from Fredericksburg, Virginia to East Point, Michigan where Inez Starks got herself into a confrontation 3 years ago with her daughter and the police, during which time, Starks claims she was bit on the butt by a German Shepard police dog and sustained nerve damage. She sued the dog. You read that right. She didn't sue the police department. SHE SUED THE DOG!!!!!!! My hat's off to Judge David Viviano. Not only did he NOT award her any damages. He hit her with a $500 fine for filing such a stupid, frivolous lawsuit. I wish more judges would do this. She might have had a better shot if she pleaded insanity due to brain damage from that bite, if you know what I mean. So the lesson we've learned here is that filing a frivolous lawsuit can come back to bite you in the butt.
DUMB CRIMINAL ALERT
Shelia Quinn brought this one up this morning. A 19-year old would-be thief pulled a a gun on an older man in the men's room of a hotel. The problem was that the older man was a retired police chief AND there was currently a police convention going on in the hotel. This dope barely made it out of the building. Remember, robbery is like real estate................location, location, location.
Finally, the world's oldest living woman has been found. She's 130 years old.
She doesn't look a day over 120. Her name is Sakhan Dosova. She's from Kazakhstan (Isn't that where Borat was from?). She is the mother of 10. She claims she's never been to a doctor in her life (She would've outlived them all anyway). She also says she never eats sweets and that she's addicted to cottage cheese (I'd rather die at a normal age). She attributes her longevity to her sense of humor (Yeah, she looks like a real cut-up, doesn't she? At a party, the first one with a lampshade on her head). She was born on March 27, 1879. They no longer give her a birthday cake because it's considered a fire hazard (Alright, I made that part up). When she was born, Queen Victoria still had 22 more years to rule in Britain. It was also the same year Stalin and Einstein were born. Sir Arthur Canon Doyle published his first story, and the same year Edison invented the light bulb. Despite her age, Dosova says she remembers details of her childhood. In fact, I was flattered when she was being interviewed by the media a few days ago and she told them that she remembers very clearly that when she was in grammar school, Denny More sat right in front of her.Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Martinsville Hot Dog, The Thunder Wedding & Phil Spector
I haven't had one of these yet, but Edwin Pardue, our Director of Sales, has been carrying on about how great they are. Come get yours FREE at all three of these remote broadcasts this week (I'll bring the Pepto).Don't forget, you're also invited to the big Thunder Wedding. Emily & David, our winning couple are getting married this Saturday at the Spotsyvania Towne Center, beginning at 4 P.M. Make plans to be there!
Finally, if you're following the retrial of music producer Phil Spector, then you heard a prosecutor, Deputy District Attorney Truc Do tell the jury that Spector's history of violence against women was like a game of Russian Roulette, that ended with the shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson. In her closing argument, she referred to Spector as a "demonic maniac" when he drank, and "a very dangerous man"....but then added that he's not AS dangerous as his hair stylist.
This just in: About half of the AIG executives who received those controversial bonuses are giving them back. The bad news is the other half are making more donations to Chris Dodd.Friday, March 20, 2009
The Wedding, The Rock & The General
There was no shortage of food in the studio this week. Earlier in the week, Marco's sent over pizza. Then Quiznos brought over dozens of subs for us to try, and this morning, my good buddy, Ed Black from Rita's came in with some of their delicious Italian Ices. Our thanks to all of them.
Also, my thanks to Courtland High School Basketball Coach J. T. Nino for stopping by today, along with two of his star Cougars, Josh Hairston and Luke Sellers, who helped to lead their team to a 93-69 victory over Salem in the Virginia AA Division 4 championship at Siegel Center Saturday night. It was great having them in and we wish them continued success.
And of course, my thanks to Debra Joseph from the Fredericksburg Area SPCA who always stops by every Friday. Be sure to click on Denny's Furry Friends to check out our homeless dog of the weeks, Freckles, a real cutie. Freckles might be just the dog for you and your family.
Here's an interesting little tid-bit of information regarding this date. On march 20, 1942, General Douglas MacArthur spoke those famous words, "I shall return".
Then, he went to the bathroom and was back in FIVE MINUTES.Wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne "The Rock" ("IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING") Johnson got plenty of attention this week when he admitted to using steroids when he was with the World Wrestling Federation, now World Wrestling Entertainment.
I'm just hoping this doesn't tarnish the fine, upstanding image of professional wrestling.
Leno better be careful. If he makes Congress angry enough at him, they might pass a retroactive chin tax.
Finally today, while many businesses are having a hard time of it during this recession, Wal-Mart is apparently doing great. Yesterday, Wal-Mart announced it is awarding about $2 Billion in financial incentives to their U.S. hourly workers, including 401K contributions, profit sharing, merchandise discounts and $933.6 Million in bonuses.
............which congress just voted to tax at 90%.
See you tomorrow at J & J Tile and Marble from 12 Noon to 2.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Jenna Jameson, Dog Boy & Nice Shirt
Entertainment News: Congratulations to former porn star turned "legitimate" actress Jenna Jameson. Jameson became a mother this Monday, giving birth to twin boys.
...and, of course, when those boys get older, they're going to be very proud of their mom.It is starting to look like Six Flags might be the next big victim of the recession. I'm really sorry to hear this because I work for Six Flags and have been for 10 years now. They say they are going through some "significant financial restructuring", but if it doesn't work out, they could go bankrupt this summer. In the meantime, remember, if you go to a Six Flags park and ride Rolling Thunder or Twister or any one of those crazy roller coasters...
...just keep in mind, there's probably a good chance they LAID OFF THE COASTER MAINTENANCE GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hey! What the heck's up with this guy!!??????????
His name is Terence Loyd. He's 32 and from Lufkin, Texas. He was arrested last week in Mansfield, Louisiana when construction workers saw this guy walking around on all fours, barking and growling like a dog, eating mud and rolling around on the ground. Believe it or not, he had a female companion with him who told police Loyd had also been eating dog food. In searching the man (here's a shocker), police found a half of pound of marijuana, some crack cocaine and a small bottle of PCP. Sheriff's Lt. Horace Womack reports that Loyd was arrested and charged with possessing all three drugs with intent to distribute. He was transported to a cell in the DeSoto Detention Center. HEY. HE BETTER HOPE THEY DON'T PUT HIM IN THE SAME CELL WITH MICHAEL VICK!!!! Anyway, this wacko has been put away, and hopefully, if nobody claims him in 10 days, they'll put him to sleep.The Washington Post reports that bad economic times are GOOD times for older, single women. Recent studies have found that during recessions, hemlines get lower, miniskirts go out of style, and movie leading ladies and Playboy models become older and rounder. Psychologists believe that men seek out more mature women during times of economic insecurity. I guess this means that when the June issue of Playboy comes out, the centerfold could be Janet Reno.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!Finally, you gotta love this guy! What a dope!!!!! TheSmokingGun.com reports that Bradley Gellert of Apollo Beach, Florida got into an argument with his wife and starting screaming at her. Then he threw various items at her. Finally, he grabbed her by the neck and strangled her. Fortunately, she got away and fled and called the police. Gellert was arrested and here's his mug shot. Get a look at the shirt he was wearing at the time of the arrest.
I guess the reason he was wearing THAT t-shirt was because his Chris Brown t-shirt was in the wash. Monday, March 16, 2009
The Eye Of A Woman, ShamWow & Jerry Lewis
Hope you had a nice weekend. Mine was great. It was a rainy, lazy weekend for me. Here was the highlight of my weekend. You've heard Kristen Nash and I often kidding and joking around about ShamWow, the miracle cloth that daffy guy is always hawking on TV.
Well, despite all the talking we do about it, I never really actually owned a ShamWow. I've had listeners call in to tell me to not buy it because it doesn't work, so I never bought one. Saturday, Rae wanted to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond for something. We walked in the door and there to our left, A WALL OF SHAMWOW!!!!!!!. Thousands and thousands of boxes of ShamWow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt it was fate that we walked into B,B & B right then, la forza del destino. Twenty bucks, how bad can it be? So, finally, I come home with a ShamWow. Guess what? It works. Then again, I think you could get the same results with an old sweatshirt.
By the way, next week, I will have, as a guest on the show, actress Sally Kellerman. Details to follow.
Friday, March 13, 2009
J & J Tile, Barbara Feldon & Death
....and here she is today.
Not bad for 70.
Do you think these two guys are related?
Nah, probably not.
On this day, in 1964, Jack Ruby was sentenced to death for the shooting of Lee Harvey Oswald. Unfortunately, before he could be put to death................he died.
And lets go way back for this one......On this day back in 1782, Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus, but anytime he tried to tell anyone, they just giggled at him. Yes, it was on this day in 1782, Herschel looked through his telescope and said those immortal words, "I see Uranus". Yeah, everybody around him always got a big kick out of that one.
Sometimes people speak without thinking about what they're about to say. In fact, I make a living out of it. Here's an example of someone who chose the wrong words. New York funeral director Peter Dohanich put an ad on Craigslist offering a free funeral in exchange for building a new deck onto his house. He says he estimates the construction work as being worth about $7.000 to $8,000. He adds that the average funeral in this country costs about $7,500. Now, here it comes.............Dohanich said, "When I tell people that the average funeral costs $7,500, they don't believe it, but ask someone who recently had a funeral what they paid." Pete, I have a feeling you won't get an answer.
Finally, speaking of death, Quebec entrepreneur Gerald Dominique announced plans to launch a new cable TV channel that will show nothing but obituaries 24 hours a day, kind of like the death version of The Weather Channel. Dominique says the channel will not only air obituaries of famous people, but those of average people as well. He says it will only cost the family about the same amount it costs to run an obituary in a newspaper, but would include videos of the deceased, plus testimonials and more. Dominique says his new channel will tell interesting stories about dead people's lives.
I think I'll pass on this. If I really want to see dead people telling interesting stories, I'll watch "60 Minutes".
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
St. Patrick's Day Parade, News Thats Not Really News & "Hey, I Didn't Want To Be THAT Tan!"
Not only does Kristen Nash have a problem with my taste in television, but she also has trouble understanding my metro-sexual ways. I don't go to a barber. I go to a hair stylist (Marsha at Mosaics). I get my back waxed. I shave my underarms (and some other parts), and yes, I iron my jeans. BUT, in the words of Brad Paisley, "I'm Still A Guy". Yes, it's true, I used to go to tanning salons, but after a minor skin cancer problem, I pretty much knocked that one out of the picture.
Here's another good reason to stay away from tanning salons. A man in Lake Wylie, South Carolina was in a tanning bed earlier this week, when it suddenly burst into flames. The police report says the man was in the "Ultra" tanning bed, when he heard a popping sound. He opened his eyes and saw a flame shooting out of the bed near his feet. He threw open the lid of the bed and fled. When firefighters showed up, the salon had been evacuated and smoke was pouring out of the sides of the building. The man escape without serious injury. HEY, HE WANTED THE ULTRA TAN! Sounds like he got the George Hamilton special. Tuesday, March 10, 2009
March Weather, The Sarah Palin Comic Book & Happy Birthday, Ted
...and Nashville icon Ralph Emery is 76 today.
Ralph's the one in the middle.
In Vista, California, an interesting case of embezzlement. Former bookkeeper Annette Yeomans surrendered on Friday on charges of embezzling $9.9 MILLION from her employer, a cabinetry company. Authorities say while her boss was laying off her co-workers in order to deal with unexpected losses, Yeomans was spending, on the average, $25,000.00 a week. She remodeled her bedroom into a giant closet, complete with a 32-inch plasma TV and crystal chandelier, all to hold her collection of $300,000.00 worth of designer clothes, 400 pairs of designer shoes and 160 designer purses, valued at $2,000.00. Yeomans was the chief financial officer for the company. Sounds to me like she should of been in purchasing. Well, in fairness, she did NEED that giant closet. Buying chandeliers and designer shoes while her co-workers were being laid off. Wow! She shouldn't have been running a cabinet company. She should have been running a Wall Street bank!
Bluewater Comics of Washington State is publishing a series of comic books about powerful women in politics, including Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Sarah Palin. Creator Darren Davie says the Palin comic has been the most popular so far. It came out last month, sold out and is already in it's second printing.
Davis says next on the list is Nancy Pelosi. I would think that Pelosi would be easy to draw because the facial expression never changes.
We talked about this guy on the air this morning, but in case you missed it... It's nothing earth-shattering, but just a quirky story out of New Port Richey, Florida. Thirty-nine year old Frederick Crevoiserat's brother came over to visit and lit up a cigarette. Crevoiserat told him to put it out. When his brother refused, Crevoiserat grabbed a fire extinguisher and put it out for him, dousing his brother in fire extinguisher foam. Mind you, these are two grown men. So, what do you think? Do you think these two guys grew up watching The Three Stooges, or what? Crevoiserat was booked into the Pasco County Jail on charges of domestic battery and resisting arrest (that's probably a whole story in itself). For you ladies out there reading this, here's the really good news......
HE'S SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally, Happy Belated Birthday to Senator Ted Kennedy. There was a big birthday party for him over the weekend in D.C. All of the usual suspects were there, political heavyweights, the Hollywood elite, celebrities, actors and actresses.
As a precaution, just to be safe, all actresses under the age of 30 who were in attendance were issued a life jacket.Friday, March 6, 2009
Short Pump, Growing Teeth & The Crazy Lady At The Funeral
Rae said, "It's going to be a really nice weekend. We should do something......go somewhere."
"OK, where do you want to go?"
"Short Pump Town Center"
This can't be good.
Don't forget, Daylight Savings Time begins this Sunday morning. Just what I need, one hour less of sleep a night. Don't forget to set that clock ahead tomorrow night before you go to bed.
I have two quick stories for you that we didn't get to today.
If you're looking for a wild closing act to your funeral, you might want to hire this young lady.
Her name is Nicole Marie Loretta. She's 25 years old, and apparently completely out of her mind. A family in Candler, North Carolina, was holding a funeral for their uncle at the Church of God. Suddenly, out of the blue, in comes Ms. Loretta. She was not a friend or a relative of the deceased. In fact, the family had never seen her before. She got up in front of the coffin and started dancing. Then, she pulled out a magic wand and started waving it all around the coffin. Wait, it's gets better. Next, she opened the lid of the coffin and laid her hands on the dead man's head. Then she started hitting the man's body with her magic wand. For a grand finale, she pulled flowers off the casket and threw them at the family. She then left as quickly as she entered and took off in a Toyota. Someone called the police. They caught up with her down the road and arrested her. She was charged with disorderly conduct and disturbing a funeral. When asked why she did what she did, she told the police that she "felt it was the right thing to do at the time." Hey, the way I see it...........NOBODY ELSE WAS DOING ANYTHING TO TRY TO WAKE THE GUY UP!!!!! Oh, sure, the family wants to press charges now......but if it had WORKED.........................I am asked from time to time if these off-the-wall news stories I share with you are real or am I just making them up. They're real. All of them can be verified. Now, admittedly, sometimes I'll throw in a little twist of my own at the end of the story, in a sometimes meager attempt to make the story even funnier or sicker than it already is. For instance, in this last story (which I already mentioned in a previous blog entry), see if you can spot where the real story ends, and where I've sort of enhanced it a bit.
Geneticists at New York's University of Rochester are working on a way to help people replace lost teeth by growing new ones. They discovered that a single gene is responsible for suppressing the growth of new teeth. Sharks don't have it, so they grow multiple rows of teeth as backups. They bred lab mice that had the same type of gene as sharks, and found they developed extra sets of molars. A spokesperson for the university said, "It's exciting. We've got a clue what to do to switch the tooth-growing process back for adults who've lost teeth." Scientists warn, however, that there is a danger here. If they turn the gene on and are unable to turn it off, you could wind up looking like Gary Busey.
http://wcbstv.com/health/genes.teeth.growth.2.944915.html
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
My Never-Ending Search, Sir Ted & Miss Kitty
I remember watching the show as a teenager and wondering exactly what was Miss Kitty's occupation. What exactly was Miss Kitty's profession? In 20 years, they never really made that clear. She never really had a job. She just sort of hung around the saloon all the time. Well, a listener called to inform me that Miss Kitty OWNED the saloon. I told her I always thought that, but also thought that maybe Miss Kitty had a little business on the side (if you know what I mean). The listener told me that was probably the case originally, but then Miss kitty made so much money, SHE BOUGHT THE PLACE! Makes sense to me. The point of all this is many times, in the morning, you guys are a lot sharper than me and my comic friends I talk to everyday, so I encourage you to participate in the show. We'll get out phones line up and running again soon, and anytime you want to call in, call in! As you know, I love weird news stories and there's no shortage of them, but I can't find them all. If you know of a funny news story you want to share with the rest of us, feel free to call it in. In fact, feel free to call anytime about anything, whatever is on your mind. Sometimes, it hard to get through, so keep trying. If you prefer, you can always e-mail me instead of calling. My e-mail address is: dennymore@thunder1045.com
OK, everybody's talking about President OH-bama's plan for people with troubled mortgages. It's called "Making Home Affordable", and would lower interest rates to as low as 2%, and extend the term of the loan up to 40 years. This program would be only for houses valued at less than $729,750.00 (These days, that would be ALL houses). I would love to know how they came up with THAT particular figure. What many people don't like about this program is that it rewards people who can't, aren't or won't pay their mortgage, and the hard-working responsible people who ARE, get nothing. Plus, if they extend the loan to 40 years, in many, if not most cases, your kids will wind up paying off YOUR mortgage. Of course, by then, they'll probably be paying off everybody else's as well.
Finally, I laughed so hard, I fell off my chair when I read this one. British prime Minister Gordon Brown announced yesterday that Queen Elizabeth is awarding honorary knighthood to Ted Kennedy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!!!
I guess the Queen never heard about that thing with Ted........and the girl.........and the bridge..........back in '69. This whole Sir Ted, Knight thing should be good for him though. You know, I mean like for picking up chicks.Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Kenny Chesney, Captain Kirk & A Chicken McNuggets Emergency
As this week gets closer to winding down, we get closer your chance to win tickets to Kenny Chesney's Sun City Carnival tour. Next week, be listening to Thunder every moment you can. When you hear Kenny pop a top on an ice cold Corona (or Corona Light), call in at 710-1045 to win tickets to the concert.
Former Dallas mayor Ron Kirk has agreed to pay back taxes totaling $10,000.00, something I'm sure he wasn't planning on doing. What brought about the change of heart? President OH-bama nominated him to serve as U.S. Trade Representative. It was then, he came under scrutiny and it was discovered he owed the ten grand in taxes since earlier in the decade. The disclosure was the latest in a string of top-level OH-bama administration appointees found to have underpaid their taxes (That's a kinder way of putting it, isn't it?), following Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Tom Daschle, who withdrew as candidate for Health and Human Services secretary. Nancy Killefer, OH-bama's pick for chief performance officer, also bowed out amid tax problems. One thing about OH-bama, although he's obviously lousy at picking staff members, you have to admit, he is EXCELLENT at ferreting out tax cheats.
Finally, thesmokinggun.com is reporting the story of Latreasa Goodman of Fort Pierce, Florida (By the way, for those of you who are keeping count, this is the second nutty story to come out of Fort Pierce this week. What's going on down there?). Latreasa ordered and paid for Chicken McNuggets at McDonalds. It was then that she was told they were out of McNuggets. She asked for her money back. Now, I never knew this, but apparently McDonald's has a very strict "no refunds" policy. They'll give you credit, but no cash refund. They offered to give her a McDonald Burger and fries, which costs more, but she didn't want it. Here's were it starts to get stupid. LATREASA CALLED 911, and not just once. She called 911.......THREE TIMES! Each time, she was told an officer was on the way, but kept calling back saying things like, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given them my money! I want my McNuggets!! My McNuggets are an emergency!!" Well, it turns out, she never did get her McNuggets, but she did get a ticket for misusing the 911 line. My guess is that unless that ticket is battered and deep-fried, she probably doesn't want that either. But here's my question: Exactly how fat IS this woman??????????????
Tomorrow morning: The story of the man who couldn't wait (literally couldn't wait) to get off the plane upon arriving in Charlotte, North Carolina. You'll love this one.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Beam Me Up, Great Hair & "Darn, It's Cold Out Here!"
Speaking of the weather, in the "You Couldn't Make This Up If You Tried" department, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had to cancel a speaking engagement in D.C. Monday evening because her flight couldn't get into town because of the weather. I don't have to tell you that it was about 20 degrees with a horrific wind, causing a wicked wind-chill effect, not to mention the blinding snow. So, what was the speaking engagement for that Pelosi couldn't get to because of the frigid weather? It was a global warming rally. Edward Markey, a Democrat from Massachusetts and House Select Energy Independence & Global Warming Chairman (Does he actually fit all of that on a business card?) was also supposed to speak at the rally, but he too had to cancel because of the freezing weather. So, here are these environmental nuts standing out in a blizzard warning the rest of us about global warming.
This is like Al Gore's worst nightmare come true, isn't it? Also, Monday night, Pelosi's face was frozen, but that had nothing to do with the weather.
It always looks like that.HEALTH NEWS: Dr. George Steinhauser, a chemist at Vienna University of Technology, has finally solved the mystery of where bellybutton lint comes from. NO, again, I'm NOT making this up. He analyzed over 500 pieces of lint from his own navel over three years and discovered it doesn't just come from clothing, but also from dead skin, fat, sweat and dust. He says to prevent getting bellybutton lint, you should wear older clothes that don't "shed", get a navel piercing, or shave your stomach hair. HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. HOW ABOUT TAKING A SHOWER EVERYDAY??! But here's a grown man, a doctor, no less, sitting around studying bellybutton lint. This is the kind of vital research that President OH-bama's stimulus package will soon be funding nationwide.
The Governor who won't go away, Rod Blagojevich has announced he has a book coming out. He says the book will expose the "dark side of politics". I never knew there was a dark side of politics, did you? Up to now, we've only seen the good side. By the way, I don't think there's any truth to the rumor that he'll include a special bonus chapter on hairstyling tips.
If the book is ever made into a movie, I know who would be perfect to play his part. I wonder where Bobby Goldsboro is these days.
On this date back in 1991, Los Angeles police severely beat Rodney King. The incident was captured on amateur video and sparked riots in the City of Angels. King was eventually arrested and charged with impersonating a pinata.
March 3, 2008, one year ago today, another chapter in the political correctness gone mad book. Internet giant (the) Google started giving free telephone numbers to homeless people, so they would no longer have to rely on friends and relatives to take messages and therefore not miss out on potential work opportunities. We have, over the last decade or so, elevated the "homeless" to near royalty status. I'm not talking about the people who have truly run into bad luck and found themselves on the street and who are genuinely trying to get back on to their feet. I'm talking about the people who have CHOSEN to drop out of the world of responsibility and exist on the streets. You're going to give these people free telephone numbers?? "Hello, you've reached Harry. If you're calling to offer me a job, press one. If you can spare some change, press two......" "Hello, you've reached Bob. I'm not home right not, because I DON'T HAVE ONE!!!"
One final note, Scotty from Star Trek would've been 89 today...........but he's dead.
Monday, March 2, 2009
In Like A Lion, "I'll Have The Prune Milkshake" & Donny Osmond
A rather embarrassing moment for Joe The Plumber. Last week, he was doing a book signing at Border's Books at 18th & L Streets in Downtown D.C. The problem is that only 11 people showed up.
I didn't even know he wrote a book. What's it called? Politics And Butt Cracks?Here's some interesting health news: Geneticists at New York's University of Rochester are working on a way to help people replace lost teeth by growing new ones. They discovered that a single gene is responsible for suppressing the growth of new teeth. Sharks don't have it, so they grow multiple rows of teeth as backups. They bred lab mice that had the same type of gene as sharks, and found they developed extra sets of molars. A spokesperson for the university said, "It's exciting. We've got a clue what to do to switch the tooth-growing process back for adults who've lost teeth." So, the bottom line here, is some day, you could have rows and rows of teeth like a shark
.....................Or Donny Osmond.
His name is Reed Harris, His girlfriend's name is Katlin Whipple. He also wanted to pull the old surprise proposal bit, so on a recent trip to Wendy's, he slipped the engagement ring into her Frosty Milkshake. Imagine his surprise when she drank the whole thing, INCLUDING THE RING!!!!!!! He rushed her to the hospital, where x-rays verified she swallowed the ring.
So, how did it all turn out? Well, thanks to a bag of prunes and a box of high-fiber cereal, this crisis did "pass", if you get my meaning. How did she answer the proposal question? she said, "Yes". I'm assuming she asked for another ring. I would. "Yes, I'll marry you, but I'm going to need another ring." By the way, how do you like the way this guy takes his girl to Wendy's to propose to her? A real high roller, isn't he? As Jeff Foxworthy would say (Come on, let's all say it together)...............YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF YOU PROPOSE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND AT WENDY'S.
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