Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A New Thunder Video, How Can TWO People Be That Dumb & "Why Am I Running?"
In Bennington, Vermont 92-year old Bob Matteson beat the world record for the 100-meter dash for his age group. In doing this, Matteson now holds the age-92 world records in the 100-meter,200-meter, 400-meter and 800-meter events.
Unfortunately, since he is 92, when he gets to the finish line, he can't remember WHY he's running.
Police are confused and baffled, since men are usually told they can just come in anytime.
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Stupid Studies & Happy Holidays
It's been a week or so since my last entry for a few reasons. First, just the general chaos of the holiday season. Second, Rae and I have been moving in the middle of it all. Third, I just didn't have Internet service of a few days because of the move. Fortunately, I think we're finally back on track.
Did you have a chance to catch our old-fashioned radio play we aired on Christmas Even and Christmas Day? I thought it came out really great. I wasn't too sure about this whole thing because we all recorded our lines separately and it was all put together in post-production. All of us who were in it heard it for the first time when you did, when the show aired. Hats off to our Director of Sales, Edwin Pardue, who wrote it and directed it, and also to Jay Roman, who helped to produce it (plus starred in it). Everybody did a great job, except I thought I sounded like Joe Friday.
Come to think of it, I even look like him a little (same miserable facial expression).
The answer to our movie quiz this morning: Blue Brothers.
We often talk on the show about these ridiculous studies that people conduct, in which, after spending years of time and in some cases, millions of dollars, they discover the obvious. Here are a few of my current favorites:
A study at the University of Warwick and the University College in London has determined that too much or too little sleep can more than double the risk of death from heart disease. Too much or too little??? That really narrows it down.
A study at Temple University says that buffet meals plus a lack of exercise can contribute to obesity. Who actually paid for this study?? What's next from Temple? A study that says drinking and driving can lead to more accidents?
Here's a good one: Retail sales fell 4% this past holiday shopping season. EXPERTS say there are two main reasons for this. One, the weather and two, supply problems. I have a third reason. How about the fact that NOBODY HAS ANY MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally, in entertainment news over the weekend, Ryan Seacrest's mother said she has the perfect woman picked out for him. I think she's barking up the wrong tree here unless the woman she picked out is named "Bob". What's her next task? Finding a wife for Richard Simmons?
Merry Christmas! Talk to you tomorrow.
Friday, December 19, 2008
No Cable TV & A Snowstorm In Vegas
"Is there anything ELSE? You didn't help me with this!!!
On a more cheerful note: Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow morning, one of you will win the $5,000.00 Little Tree, $5,000.00 in cash & prizes. It will all happen at our live remote broadcast at Smoothie King in Massaponix tomorrow morning from 9 to 11. Come on out and be a part of the live broadcast. I'm looking forward to seeing you out there.
Finally, we were talking about this this morning. Las Vegas, Nevada has been hit with some really bizarre weather. They had SNOW!! In fact, they had 5 inches of it. Al Gore is currently writing a sequel to his global warming documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth". This one will be called, "Never Mind".
I told a listener this morning that the reason it probably snowed in Las Vegas is because O.J. Simpson finally went to jail and Hell froze over.
A local Vegas meteorologist called the snowfall "a significant historical event". That might be a bit of an overstatement. Then again, this IS Las Vegas, where they consider the invention of the 99-cent shrimp cocktail to be a "significant historical event".
It got so cold in Vegas, that Barry Manilow's face froze solid......no wait.....it was already like that, never mind.
Talk to you Monday. Have a great weekend!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
First In Flight & Blue Suede Shoes
Also, on this date, Orville Wright made the first sustained motorized aircraft flight. Well, if you call about 20 seconds a flight. But technically, it WAS thee first flight, and to this day, they still haven't located Orville's luggage.
We have plenty of stuff to talk about tomorrow, including news about the first full-face transplant performed by a recontructive surgeon 2 weeks ago in Ohio, the top reasons why people dump their dogs at shelters (you won't believe some of these), and a story out of Tampa, Florida about what has to be one of the most bizarre break-ins and robberies of all time.
Don't forget, this Friday morning in the eight o'clock hour, I'll be joined by Debra Joseph, Director of the Fredericksburg Area SPCA.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I Sense Another Bailout Coming Up
My wife Rae (Notice the spelling of her name is Rae, not Ray. I don't want anybody getting any funny ideas.) and I are in the process of moving. We're in our new place (sort of), but we don't really have to be out of our old place until mid-January. This makes for an easier move because it can be done very leisurely. There is also a downside to it. For one thing, for a month, we're financially supporting 2 places and in this economy, that's bad news. The other problem is we have stuff in both places, so you go to put a pair of shoes on in the morning, and you realize they're in the other place. Finally, because we bring stuff over to the new place every time we go over, both of our cars constantly look like the Beverly Hillbilly's car. It should all be over soon.
What did we talk about this morning? In the "Gee, she reminds me of EX-wife number 2" department, Donna Duell of Anderson, Indiana was arrested on suspicion of arson for setting her ex-boyfriends clothing on fire at a self-storage center and causing more than $100,000.00 in damage. WOW, this guy must have had a lot of clothes!! If Rae set my whole wardrobe on fire, I'd be out of about 39 bucks.
Here's something we didn't get a chance to talk about. It illustrates just how bad the economy really is. The stripper club business across the country is hurting. These places ALWAYS survive, but not this time. The Associated Press is reporting that the famous strip club in New York City, Scores, made famous by radio personality Howard Stern is closing their doors forever due to a drop in business. In addition, the AP says the Greektown Casino in Detroit is in Chapter 11 bankruptcy, and Jon Jon's Cabaret, also in Detroit, says business is way down. So much so, that they've cut their hours. They now open at 6 P.M. instead of 11 A.M.
My guess is this is one Detroit business that could easily get a bailout from Congress.
The grand prize drawing of our $5,000.00 Little Tree is now just days away. If you haven't registered yet, get on it!!!
Monday, December 15, 2008
The $5,000 Little Tree Grand Prize Drawing & Can I See Something In A Size 11?
Well, I'm back from a week off and already feeling, once again, like I have mononucleosis. I know we have a lot of early commuters in our area. If you're one of them, then you know what I'm talking about. Getting up at 3:30 A.M. every morning (basically, the middle of the night) is brutal. Unless you do it, then chances are you don't "get it". It's not just the getting up part. Everybody knows that's awful, but it's what it does to you the rest of the day as well. You kind of walk around in a zombie-like kind of trance, not knowing who you are, where you are or what's going on.....kind of like Jessica Simpson. But what are you going to do? It's all part of the job. But it is nice to be back and my thanks to Jay Roman for filling in.
Also, my thanks to everybody who came out to North Carolina Furniture Connection in King George on Saturday. We had a huge crowd out there, plus Santa Claus, Mr. Penguin, Mr Gingerbread Man, those famous fresh chocolate chip cookies, what else could you ask for?
Our next big live event is this Saturday at Smoothie King in Massaponix for the grand prize drawing of our $5,000 Little Tree. Of course, you can still register to win this week. The tree is at a different location everyday, so keep listening and we'll tell you where's it at, or you can find out right here on our web site. Your LAST chance to register will be at Smoothie King on Saturday morning during out live broadcast. I look forward to seeing you out there.
By now, you've all seen the video of that nut throwing his shoes at President Bush. The President was pretty quick and dodged both shoes. The guy missed so he did not win a nice stuffed animal for his girlfriend.
Talk to you tomorrow. I'll tell you about the woman in Indiana who set her ex-boyfriend's clothes on fire.
Friday, December 5, 2008
But With O.J. In Jail, Who Will Look For the Real Killer?
Yesterday, one of his lawyers told a reporter that O.J. should get a short sentence because he's a "first time offender". I guess he means if you don't count that murder thing when he killed 2 people. Aside from that, CLEAN RECORD.
All in all, Simpson is a pretty lucky guy. He brutally slaughtered 2 innocent people. These were vicious murders. He cut Nicole's throat so badly, he almost cut her head off. She looked like a Pez dispenser when he got done with her. Despite this, because of a jury that was either stupid, racist or both, he walked. In fact, for 13 years, we were forced to watch the Butcher of Brentwood golfing, dancing, partying, frolicking with attention-starved women and on and on. FINALLY, this guy's in jail. What's the expression? "The mills of the Gods grind slowly".
On a much more cheerful note: Congratulations to Jax & James, two members of our staff here at Telemedia. They were married last night!! The reception was at Bridges Restaurant and it was a really nice affair. We all had a great time and wish both of them the best of luck. They're certainly off on the right foot. They're leaving for a cruise to St. Lucia for their honeymoon.
Speaking of cruises, these pirates off the coast of Africa are getting bolder and bolder. On Monday, they went after a cruise ship. Then on Tuesday, another report that they went after another cruise ship. Crew members of the cruise ship were able to use fire hoses to keep the pirates from boarding until the ship could get away. Normally, it would be easy to dodge a stream of water, but it's difficult when you have a peg leg, an eye patch, a parrot on your shoulder and you're drunk on rum.
I still can't believe this whole "pirate" thing in the year 2008. If I was on that ship, I would've thought that I accidentally booked myself on to a Disney cruise.
Washington, DC, is expecting a lot of people to come in for OH-bama's inauguration. Shelia Quinn, this morning, mentioned that it could be as many as 5 million visitors coming in. Meanwhile, a city councilman is proposing that from January 17 through 21, the bars in DC stay open to 5 A.M. Five million people delirious with OH-bamamania and alcohol................not a good combination. Not only that, but you're going to have 5 million people witnessing probably the most historic presidential inauguration in history and unfortunately, none of them are going to be able to remember it the next day.
I'm off on vacation for a week. Our child-boss, Jay Roman will be filling in for me on the air and I hear he has some fun stuff planned.
I WILL see you Saturday, December 13, broadcasting live at the holiday open house at North Carolina Furniture Connection. Bring the kids and get their picture taken with Santa, plus Mr. Penguin and Mr. Gingerbread Man will be there as well. It'll definitely be fun so please come on out to see us live on the 13th.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The Budweiser Clydesdales, Indentity Theft and The 10 Worst Holiday Gifts
Happy Birthday today to actress Julianne Moore. She's 48. Darryl Hannah is also 48 today. Ancient singer Andy Williams is 81. Equally ancient Ferlin Husky is 83 and Ozzy Osbourne is 60 today. Those last 3, Williams, Husky & Osbourne would make a great variety show lineup in Branson, don't you think?
This is Brian Russell of New Gloucester, Maine.
He's in jail on charges of being a habitual offender after he led police on a very short car chase. Russell refused to pull over and led police on a chase to a neighboring town, where he stopped. He thought that if he crossed the county line, the Cumberland County sheriff's deputies wouldn't be able to touch him. The deputies were quick to point out that although that's true on TV and in the movies, in reality, it's NOT true.Well, if he's a HABITUAL offender, shouldn't he have known that by now?
Experts say this is THEE big week for people making purchases online. Because of that, unfortunately, they're also telling us that it's THEE big week for identity theft. Personally, the way I look at it, if anybody wants to steal my identity, let them go right ahead. Hopefully, they'll have better luck with than I've had. But if you're interested in tips for protecting your identity, go to Forbes.com.
Finally, stupid.com has compiled a list of this year's Top Ten Worst Holiday Gifts. I'll run down some of these with you tomorrow morning. The list includes the Screaming Chicken, Wasabi-Flavored Gumballs, the Obama "Yes We Can" bottle opener, and my personal favorite, the 2009 Dog Poop Calendar. Yes, it's a collection of beautiful photos that all happen to include a pile of dog poop somewhere in them. I have actually come up with an idea to improve this calendar and I'll share it with you tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
An Indication of How Bad the Economy Really Is & The Pirates Are a Little Too Late
There is a company in Dayton, Ohio having their economic problems supposedly. Excellence In Motivation is a company that provides employee incentive programs for Fortune 500 companies. They just laid off 34 employees. I guess they weren't motivated enough. On the plus side, the remaining employees who weren't laid off, are now extremely motivated.
I read something this morning off the wire of the Associated Press that struck me funny. It said that Venice, Italy has been struck by flooding.
How would you know?Finally, this insanity continues with these pirates off the coast of Africa. How nuts is all of this? The latest is that yesterday, they fired shots (Like what? Cannonballs??) at a cruise ship with about 1,000 passengers on board. The cruise ship was basically able to outrun the pirates and nobody got hurt. But here's my question: Where were these gun-toting, blood-thirsty pirates when we needed them. You know, back in the days when Kathie Lee Gifford was singing on cruise ships?
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Barney Fife Moment & It's Hard to Take Someone Seriously Who is Wearing His Underwear on His Head
How does $5,000.00 in cash and prizes sound to you? You have a chance to win just that in our $5,000.00 Little Tree contest. Our tree, which indeed, represents $5,000.00 in cash and prizes will be at a different location each day. Get to that location and register to win. We'll pick one qualifier per day. If you're picked as a qualifier, you win a prize! More importantly, you'll be eligible for the grand prize (the $5,000.00 Little Tree) drawn on Saturday, December 20 at Smoothie King at Cosner's Corner, and I'll be there for that drawing!
The world famous Budweiser Clydesdale's are coming to the Spotylvania Towne Center this Thursday from 3 to 5 P.M. Come on out and see these gorgeous animals up close and personal.
My favorite story this morning: Monroe, Ohio Police Chief Greg Schwarber, who accidentally shot himself in the leg................................................while teaching his daughter a gun safety lesson. "OK, Honey, here's what NOT to do. Ka-BOOM!". They might want to think about giving this guy only one bullet, which he'd be required to keep in his pocket, just in case he ever needs it ala Barney Fife.
President-Elect OH-bama announced the nomination of Eva Peron - I'm sorry. I mean Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. That ought to keep her off his back for awhile. I think this is probably one of those "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" kind of deals. Hillary getting this job is pretty much like her getting the "Miss Congeniality" award. You know, "You didn't win the title, however............" Husband Bill has got to be thrilled about her getting this job. She'll be on the road, in fact, out of the country a lot, which means he can resume dating. I'll bet you anything he's dancing around the house in his underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
The only catch here is HE has to disclose all of his financial transactions and supporters. Why do I get feeling we're going to find out he's spent thousands of dollars on lingerie from Victoria's Secret and that his major financial backers are the makers of Viagra and penicillin?
I also wanted to mention that Edna Parker of Indiana died last week. The reason I bring it up: Edna was in the Guiness Book of World Records as the world's oldest person. She was 115. Interesting side note of Edna: When she was a young girl, her babysitter was none other than ...JOHN McCAIN!!!
I'm still working on stuff for tomorrow, but so far, my favorite, I'll tell you about the guy who tried to hold up a country club in Salt Lake City, Utah wearing his underwear as a mask. It didn't work out very well for him. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
Quick programming note: I'll be off all next week. Our child boss, Jay Roman will be filling in.Archives
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