More in the Morning: August 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Two Birthdays, The Double-Down & The Scarlet Letter

Happy Birthday today to Shania Twain. She's 44, Also, Happy Birthday to the suddenly high-profile LeAnn Rimes. She's 27.

Shortly before I left New Jersey, I attended Sean Hannity's Freedom Concert. The entertainment at the concert was Lee Greenwood, Montgomery Gentry & LeAnn Rimes. She told the audience that she was proud of the fact that unlike a lot of other child stars, she managed to grow up leading a normal life, happily married and had managed to avoid any sort of scandal. This got a tremendous round of applause from the thousands of people in attendance. Well, here we are, just about 2 years later, LeAnn is suddenly the target of the tabloids, leaving her husband for her "boyfriend" after getting caught in an affair with him. What a difference 2 years can make.

Speaking of having affairs, I know, by now, you heard about the guy from Centreville, who also "got caught". His name is William Taylor, and he was very remorseful about his affair AFTER he got caught. He was desperate to "make things right" with his wife, and promised to do whatever it took to accomplish this. She came up with a very novel punishment. She forced him to stand at one of the busiest intersections in metro D.C., wearing a huge sandwich sigh which read "I am a cheater and this is my punishment." He had to do this during morning rush hour all this week.

On the plus side for this guy, hanging out at roadside during rush hour when traffic is at a bumper-to-bumper stand-still is a GREAT way to meet chicks.

I don't think anyone will deny that we have an obesity problem in this country. Take a very, very close and careful look at this picture. Use a magnifying glass if you have to. The picture was taken in the fifties. Do you see a lot of fat or overweight people? I don't (and I DID use a magnifying glass).

Now, take a close look at this picture taken 4 years ago.

I realize these pictures aren't close-ups and lack detail, but I think you can see that as a whole, the shape of our bodies have changed, and not for the better. Many people these days are out of shape, overweight and in many cases, obese. According to the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health, the obesity rate in this country is up to an amazing 32%! I am positive it was nowhere near that 50, 40 or even 30 years ago.

Why do I bring this up? Because Kentucky Fried Chicken recently announced they are test marketing a new item on their menu. It's called the Double Down Sandwich. This actually sounds like a put-on, but unfortunately, it's not.

It consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses and sauce, all between 2 pieces of fried chicken. That's right, fried chicken as a bun instead of bread. According to Fox News, the "sandwich" is being test-marketed in Rhode Island and Nebraska.

You can order just the sandwich or order the Double Down Sandwich meal, which comes with the sandwich, a large soda, a large order of Fries...............and a defibrillator.

posted by Denny # 6:31 PM 0 Comments

Monday, August 24, 2009

The DMV, The Final Flip-Flop & Mr. Saturday Night, Ben Bernanke

Rae and I moved a few months back, so we had to change our address on our license. I avoid going to the DMV like I would avoid going to a dentist with Parkinson's, so I made my changes online. I never had to deal with them in person. However, when Rae tried to follow suite, the whole online thing wasn't working for her for one reason or another. So, when I got off the air today, Rae wanted to go to the DMV to change the address on her license, and she wanted me to come along with her. Personally, I would rather be water boarded than go to the DMV, but...................Okay. We sat there for hours. For hours, there we sat, like two dopes while these government workers took turns going to lunch or walking around aimlessly. It occurred to me that this was the best argument against government-run health care or socialized medicine or whatever you want to call it. It's the same thing. I've traveled a lot in my life, and every DMV in every state I've been to has been the same. If this is how they run the DMV, do you actually think the government handling your health care is going to be any different? The only difference is instead of sitting there for hours waiting to get the address on your license changed, you'll be sitting there waiting for a kidney, or waiting to see a doctor, or worse, waiting to make an appointment to see a doctor. Some people told us they were waiting longer than us. In fact, I guess we shouldn't complain. Here's a picture I took of the couple sitting next to us.

Our final Flip-Flop Friday in THIS Friday. Braden Smith will be at Brock's in downtown Fredericksburg with TWO chances to win those tickets to see Kenny Chesney this Saturday night at The Nissan Pavilion. Be there!

Congratulations to former Indiana basketball coach, Bobby Knight. We found out over the weekend that Knight will soon be inducted into the Indiana University Athletics Hall of Fame. Oddly enough, not for basketball. It turns out, apparently he holds the distance record for chair-tossing.

Speaking of sports, Happy Birthday today to Vince McMahon. Vinny Mac is 64 today.

I'm sorry. Did I say speaking of "sports"?

Finally, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said Friday that economic activity in the U.S. and around the world appears to be "leveling out" and added that the U.S. economy is on the verge of recovery.

Everybody had a GOOD LAUGH at Ben's wacky joke and then went on with their business.

posted by Denny # 7:28 PM 0 Comments

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Broken Promise, A Long Neck & Tight Lips

The answer to today's More's Mystery: Alec Baldwin, who in 2000, promised all of us that if George Bush was elected, he would leave the country. That sounded like a win-win to me. In fact, I would've paid for the airline ticket to get him out of here. Sure enough, Bush got elected and Baldwin just never referred to his promise again. He's not a bad actor, but aside from that, I think the guy is a moron. WHAT WAS KIM BASINGER THINKING??!

I know it doesn't show, but I don't have much respect for Alec Baldwin. However, I DO have an enormous amount of respect for Sir Anthony Hopkins, who is definitely in the top 5 on my list of all-time favorite actors. That's why I was astounded that he agreed to do the movie "The Edge" with Baldwin. Not that I thought he shouldn't work with him. It's just that the movie is AWFUL. In fact, it's one of those movies so bad, it's hysterical.

If you've not seen it, check it out. I watch it every time it's on and laugh my butt off every time. I suggest you have a few drinks before you watch it. In fact, better yet, if you want to make a drinking thing out of it, have a shot every time Baldwin says, "Charles".

My thanks to Debra Joseph, Director of the Fredericksburg SPCA, for stopping by the show this morning, as she does every Friday.

Happy Birthday to the lovely Kim Cattrall of Sex & The City fame. She is 53 today. I was never able to get into the whole Sex & The City thing. It's pretty much a chick thing. My wife, Rae, is obsessed with it. Because of her, I've watch it a few times. I don't really get it. The only thing I did notice is that one the four women on the show has an unusually long neck.

Finally, Happy Birthday to Kenny Rogers. He's 71 today, but don't spread it around. Kenny is very tight-lipped about it.

In fact, these days, Kenny is very tight-FACED period.

posted by Denny # 8:35 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Answer To More's Mystery, Happy Birthday To Hairboy & Smarter Than A Monkey

Tough More's Mystery this morning! We were looking for an animal. Fully grown, it's weighs about 150 pounds. It lives to around the age of 30 years, and although generally not aggressive to humans, there have been 5 documented cases of fatal attacks on humans by these animals. The answer:

THE KOMODO DRAGON (also known as The Monitor Lizard)

Hideous-looking things, aren't they? Interesting little side note: One of the people attacked by a Komodo Dragon (NOT fatally) was Sharon Stone's husband, San Francisco Chronicle editor Phil Bronstein. This occurred 8 years ago when the couple were touring a zoo in Indonesia. Bronstein was wearing white sneakers and the theory is that the lizard mistook his sneaker for a white rat. The dragon bit his foot. Bronstein required surgery, but made a full recovery.

Tomorrow morning, we'll have another Mystery and another chance for you to win a 4-pack of tickets to the Walking With The Dinosaurs show coming to The Verizon Center in September.

Happy Birthday today to Rudy Gatlin of The Gatlin Brothers. He's 57 today. Connie Chung, former TV anchor babe and wife of Maury ("You ARE the father") Povitch, is 63 today.

Also, Happy Birthday to boxing promoter Don King. Don is 78 today.

What does this guy comb his hair with in the morning? A pack of firecrackers? He looks like a hand grenade salesman.

Hey, wait a minute! It's Connie Chung's birthday AND Don King's birthday on the same day??!! That means today is CHUNG KING DAY!!!

I think by now, you all know how much I love dogs. This morning, we got the results of tests conducted at a Canadian University, which show that dogs know when we're lying. Dog treats were hidden under one of two buckets, where dogs couldn't smell them. The dog's owners would point to the bucket where the food was, but sometimes, they would intentionally lie. After being lied to on the average of 5 fives, the dogs would start picking up subtle body language the owners were giving out without realizing it. So, after a very short time, the dogs were able to tell when their owner was lying, and the would pick the other bucket. Researchers say this indicates that dogs might be even smarter than we originally thought, maybe even smarter than chimpanzees.

Here's my question: If dogs are so smart, how come when you make believe you throw the tennis ball, but you don't really throw it, the dog spends 20 minutes looking for it.

Cats, on the other hand, are smarter than all of them put together. They KNOW all humans are full of baloney, and they just ignore us entirely.

posted by Denny # 6:34 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Jukebox Heroes, An Incredibly Dumb Criminal & I'm A Big Dope

I want to let you know about a show coming to Massaponax High School on Saturday, September 19. It's a show called "Jukebox Heroes" performed by The Mahoney Brothers. I know these guys. They're from New Jersey, and they put on one of the best "tribute" shows you will EVER see. This is not just a band. It's a show band. They do tributes to The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ricky Nelson, The Everly Brothers, Willie Nelson & Buddy Holly. Tickets are $15.00 each and WELL worth the money. More importantly, all the money raised goes to the Children's Miracle Network it stays HERE in our community. Tickets will be sold at the Bloom at Lee Shopping Center, Monday through Friday, 5 P.M. to 9 P.M. and Saturday & Sunday from 9 A.M. to 2 P.M. For more information, call 540 898-2324.

A couple of days ago, our ice machine stopped working. What a nice time of the year for that to happen. One-hundred degree temperatures and no ice. I called in a repairman, who came over today. The guy here was 10 minutes when he called me over and asked how long the machine had been off. I said, "Well, it hasn't been making ice for a couple of days." He said, "No, I mean how long has the machine been OFF?"

"Whadda ya mean?"

"There's nothing wrong with the machine. Somebody turned it off. That's why it's not making ice. I just checked it, re-checked and double-checked it. There's nothing wrong with the machine."

"Great!"

"Yeah, that's the good news. The bad news is I have the charge you $65.00 for the service call."

If you want to feel like a big dope, hand over $65.00 to a repairman because the reason the ice machine wasn't making ice is because either Rae or myself inadvertently turned the machine off. I begged the guy to tell me that he has had calls like this before, and he assured me he has had hundreds. Anyway, I'm trying to feel better about myself over this whole thing, so tomorrow morning, I'm going to ask you to call in with similar stories. If you've ever done something like this, call me tomorrow morning and tell me about it. We'll have some fun with this. My direct line into the studio is 540 710-1045.

Happy Birthday today to Andy Griggs.

He is 36 today.

We talked about this guy this morning. He is probably to date, the dumbest criminal we've featured so far. A woman in Severn, Maryland had her house burglarized. They pretty much wiped her out, even taking some major appliances. A few days later, her neighbor, who lives 3 house down, had a yard sale. She decide to stop in to see what he had to offer. IT WAS HER STOLEN PROPERTY!!!!!!!!!! She called police. They showed up and arrested the owner of the house holding the yard sale.

He is David Perticone. He is facing serious jail time.

I guess you have to give this guy some credit. Al Gore would be proud of him. He's trying to help the environment by robbing houses within walking distance. There's something to be said for that.

posted by Denny # 6:39 PM 0 Comments

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fun In Dumfries, Middle-Age & No Twitter

Another Flip-Flop Friday coming up this week. Tim's I in Dumfries is the location this time around. I'll be out there between the hours of 6 P.M. to 8 P.M. with one of your last chances to win those Kenny Chesney tickets. Hope to see you there!

Happy Birthday today to singer John Conlee. He's 63.

I never saw him in concert, but they say he used to chew tobacco onstage WHILE singing. I assume if you go to see him perform, you DON'T want to sit in the front row.

Also Happy birthday today to Hulk Hogan.

(Hulk is the one on the right)

Hulk is 56 today and said now that he's "middle-aged", he's working on making the transition from professional wrestling to acting.

Two things about that:

Number One: Professional wrestling and acting.............isn't that pretty much the same thing?

Number Two: How does this guy figure he's "middle-aged" at 56? What does he think? That's he's going to live to be 112? I have to laugh at these people in their fifties who say they're middle-aged. I don't know, maybe it's just MY circle of friends, but I don't know too many hundred year-old people walking around. To me, middle-age is 40, maybe 45, but after that, you're past it, pal.

I am so relieved today. Earlier Twitter announced that they are taking precautions to assure that there's never a rerun of last week's outage. For about an hour, last week, Twitter users were experiencing a denial of service. This, of course, was disastrous, because for about an hour, thousands were unable to let everybody know that they just put ketchup on their hamburger, they're washing their car, they're playing with their dog..............important things like this.

I signed up on Twitter weeks ago along with Kristin Nash and Tom Cooper, our General Manager. Why? I have no idea. Now that we're actually on , none of us know how to use it. Worse, I keep getting these e-mails: "So and so is following you on Twitter. So and so is following you on Twitter." Now, wherever I go, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder because I think some body's watching me.

posted by Denny # 4:11 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, August 6, 2009

In Again-Out Again Paula, Lorrie Morgan & A Replacement For Billy Mays

I have mentioned on NUMEROUS occasions that I don't watch American Idol. I might be the only person on the planet who can say that. I know a lot of people love it and that's fine. It's just not my type of television. But even I can't avoid this Paula Abdul thing. Depending on what report you choose to believe, Abdul was getting paid $4 million per season, but she was demanding $10 million for the new, upcoming season. I guess she needs to make at least $10 million a year, what with the rising costs of presciption drugs and all.

Earlier this week, she announced that she was definitely leaving Idol and would not be back for the next season. Upon making that announcement, shares in all the leading pharmaceutical companies fell sharply (alright, I made that last part up). Earlier today, word was flying around that the producers of Idol had already hired her replacement, Victoria Beckham. I guess the producers sat around and said, 'Let's see....who can we hire who is even dumber, less talented and more incoherent than Paula? I know. Victoria Beckham!! Perfect!

But wait! Just before I sat now to write this, there's still another report out saying Abdul is NOT officially out yet, and that she is talking to the producers to see if a deal can still be struck. Now, I'm starting to wonder how much of this is real and how much of it is just schtick in order to hype the new season. The ratings of Idol have been dropping steadily over the last couple of years. If you're like me, I'm sure you're not going to lose any sleep over this.

Kristin Nash has been off this week, so I've been doing the Walk Down Music Row myself. Nash usually picks the stories we'll talk about, but this week, it was up to me. It gave a chance to report on one of my all-time favorites, Lorrie Morgan.

It turns out Lorrie is headed to Broadway. Producers are putting a stage version together of the 1992 film "Pure Country", which stared George Strait in the leading role. It'll be Joe Nichols handling the lead in the stage version and Lorrie will co-star. Good luck to both of them.

Finally, I was watching some news video yesterday. It was President OH-bama talking to a bunch of senior citizens in D.C., trying to sell them on his health care reform bill, that apparently nobody wants. He was basically telling them that his plan will give them everything they ever wanted in health care AND save them money at the same time. Watching it, it occurred to me that if this whole "president" thing doesn't work out for him, he would make the perfect replacement for Billy Mays.

posted by Denny # 6:33 PM 0 Comments

Monday, August 3, 2009

Flip-Flop, J & J & A Mad Gorilla

Thanks to those of you who came out to participate in Friday's Flip-Flop Friday at Water's edge in Woodbridge. We have another one coming up this Friday. I'll be at Pirate's Den in Fairview Beach this week with another chance for you to win those Kenny Chesney tickets.

We only have a few of these left. We're getting down to the wire, so join me this Friday.

Then, on Saturday, it's one of my favorite places to do a live, remote broadcast, J & J Tile & Marble. They've recently expanded and have added hardwood and vinyl, and just like with their tile and marble, a great selection, immediate delivery and prices lower than anywhere.

These guys have become good friends and they know how to have fun while conducting business, which is why we always have a lot of laughs when I go out there. Make plans to stop by and say HI, if for no other reason.

Over the weekend, Tresury Secretary Timothy Geithner said, "We have to bring these deficits down very dramatically. and that's going to require some very hard choices." When asked if that meant that President OH-bama is going to break his campaign promise not to raise taxes on people making under $200,000 a year, Geithner said, "We're going to have to do what's necessary."

I think the first thing they should do is crack down on all these tax cheats. You know, people like...........................................TIMOTHY GEITHNER!!! Here's a guy who failed to pay $34,000.00 in taxes between 2001 and 2004. He only did so AFTER he was caught.

Finally, a story out of Conway, South Carolina: A 21-year-old employee at Jimmy's Japanese Hibachi was throwing out the trash in the back of the restaurant, when he was punched in the head by a robber. What's really odd about all of this, is that the robber was dressed in a gorilla suit. The employee managed to wrestle the "gorilla" down to the ground, and then, broke free and ran back into the restaurant. THE GUY IN THE GORILLA SUIT FOLLOWED HIM IN!! Once inside, the employee grabbed a meat cleaver and hit the robber in the right arm. The mugger then ran out of the restaurant WITH THE CLEAVER STUCK IN HIS GORILLA SUIT. Meanwhile, other employees had called the police. The police arrived, but were unable to find the robber. So, lets get this straight. Here's a guy running out of a restaurant.............wearing a gorilla suit.............with a meat cleaver stuck in him.................AND THE POLICE CAN'T FIND HIM???????????? My thinking here is that he would not exactly blend in with everybody else on the street. So, somewhere out there, is an angry, wounded gorilla.

Has anybody checked the top of The Empire State Building?

posted by Denny # 7:14 PM 0 Comments