Happy Birthday today to Juice Newton. She's 57. By the way, did you ever notice when you call a business and they put you on hold, you almost always wind up listening to Juice Newton's Queen Of Hearts? Happy Birthday to the lovely Vanna White. She turns 52 (Vanna's always turning something). Yoko Ono is 76 today. QUICK, SOMEBODY SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER BEFORE SHE DECIDES TO DO IT HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

Waylon Jennings died seven years ago this week. He was 64, but managed to pack about 200 years worth of good times into those 64 years.

Finally, we had a lot of fun with these this morning. The Stella Awards. these are given to recipients of the most outrageous lawsuits. The Stella Awards are named after Stella Liebeck, the woman who sued McDonalds because she ordered a cup of hot coffee, then spilled it and burned herself. Here are this year's top winners:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the home owner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ...oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. she sounds like the kind of chick who who really wouldn't notice that she's missing a few more teeth. You know what I mean?

BUT THIS WAS EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE THIS MORNING.............Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

I think Mrs. Grazinski's brain is on cruise control. WHAT A DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about the purse-snatcher who mooned his pursuers and the about the woman to stopped a guy from stealing a car by giving him wedgie. It's true

posted by Denny  # 5:45 PM