Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The National Anthem, The Crazy Ape & The "Big" Drug Dealer
More family 4-packs of tickets to the Smucker's Stars On Ice at the Verizon Center to give away tomorrow. All you have to do is know the answer to tomorrow's movie quiz. Here's a hint: tomorrow's movie was a family favorite in 1985.
I haven't talked about this awful story in Connecticut where a so-called domesticated chimpanzee went nuts and brutally attacked a woman. I'm sure, by now, you've heard all the grisly details. I haven't talked about it because it's such a terrible story. It's terrible for everybody involved. Certainly, it's awful for the woman who was attacked. In fact, as of today, she's actually taken a turn for the worst. Doctors are now not as confident that she's going to make it.
It's terrible for the owner of the chimp who raised it since it was just a few weeks old and wound up having to stab it during the attack in an attempt to get the chimp to stop, and lastly, it's terrible that the chimp was eventually shot and killed by the police. People are fascinated by this story and it's not going away. The brother of the woman who was attacked has come forward and is talking lawsuit. Apparently the chimp's owner has a lot of property worth millions. In addition, more information is coming out about the relationship this woman had with the chimp. She has admitted sleeping with him and that they took baths together. Look, nobody on the planet loves animals more than I do, but it's starting to sound like the relationship this woman had with this chimp might have been a little over the top. By the way,yesterday, the House passed a ban on taking chimps and monkeys across state lines to sell as pets...If you're taking a chimp across a state line for some other reason, I don't want to know about it.
His name is Stephen Turo. He's from Genoa, New York. He's 56 years old and weighs 600 pounds. Oh, yeah, one other thing, he's a drug dealer. Because of his size, he hasn't been out of the house in years (apparently his drug business didn't offer delivery service). He was arraigned on Monday of this week, pleaded guilty and plans to throw himself on the mercy of the court (hopefully not literally). This guy is SO big, they had to transport him to his arraignment by a U-Haul trailer. The trailer was backed up to a loading dock of the local post office and the judge came down to the dock because this guy wouldn't fit through the doors of the courthouse. He was charged with 24 counts of selling and possessing prescription drugs.........apparently not diet pills. Look at the size of this guy. If they ever do a cavity search on him, they could wind up finding Jimmy Hoffa. Here's my question: If the guy is a drug dealer, he's probably also a drug user. How did a drug user who weighs 600 pounds make it to the age of 56???
Also tomorrow, I have news about Nicole Richie conducting a citizen's arrest outside an IHOP, and about the U.S. army deserter arrested while wearing ladies underwear. Yeah, it's going to be an interesting morning.
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