Thursday, February 12, 2009
Figge Is A Fake & The Calzone Thing
Just a couple of quick things today:
This morning (or was it yesterday morning?), I told you about Jennifer Figge of Aspen, Colorado. She's 56 years old and the first woman to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. It was reported by the Associated Press and made worldwide news. According to the story, Figge swam from the Cape Verde Islands off the coast of Africa to Trinidad (2,100 miles) in 25 days while escorted by a boat. She was said to have rested every night and hopped back in the water in the morning. Problem Number One: The Cape Verde Islands are about 500 miles off the western coast of the mainland of Africa, meaning Figge had a huge head start on her trip across the Atlantic. It'd be like somebody saying they ran across America after starting in Cincinnati. Problem Number Two: (and this illustrates how easily we all just accept these stories we read) It's been determined that swimming 2,100 miles in 25 days would be IMPOSSIBLE. Michael Phelps swimming his fastest would take about 20 days to cover that distance, BUT thats at his fastest pace, sustained for three weeks, without ever stopping. Impossible. Today, the Associated press had this to say:
"Figge swam only a fraction of the 2,100-mile journey. The rest of the time, she rested on her crew's catamaran. Her spokesman [said] that her total swimming distance has not been calculated yet, but that due to ocean hazards including inclement weather, he estimates she swam about 250 miles."
So, she didn't exactly swim across the Atlantic. She really kind of sailed across it.
What's her next stunt going to be? Swimming across the Pacific..........in a 747?
Now, the calzone thing...........we talked about it this morning and it just keeps getting better. Basically, this guy goes into a place called Goomba's Pizzaria in Palm Coast, Florida and orders a calzone. He decides he doesn't like it so he goes up to the counter to complain to the owner. I would say that was his first mistake. When you're in a place called Goomba's Pizzeria, it's probably not a good idea to complain about the Italian food. In fact, it's probably not a good idea to complain about ANYTHING. The owner, Joseph Milano, hops over the counter and starts pistol whipping the customer. Here's the best part: It turns out that Joseph Milano isn't Joseph Milano at all. He was arrested for possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, and that prompted the local newspaper to check into Milano's background. They discovered that Milano's real name is Joseph Calco, an ex-mob guy who worked for the Gambino crime family in the Northeast. He turned informant on the family and had been living in Florida under the witness protection program. He was supposed to to keeping a low profile, but so much for that.
There's more good news. The whole thing was caught on surveillance video and of course, it's on YouTube. Just put a search in for CALZONE ATTACK AT GOOMBA'S. I've come up with a great new slogan for Goomba's.
This morning (or was it yesterday morning?), I told you about Jennifer Figge of Aspen, Colorado. She's 56 years old and the first woman to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. It was reported by the Associated Press and made worldwide news. According to the story, Figge swam from the Cape Verde Islands off the coast of Africa to Trinidad (2,100 miles) in 25 days while escorted by a boat. She was said to have rested every night and hopped back in the water in the morning. Problem Number One: The Cape Verde Islands are about 500 miles off the western coast of the mainland of Africa, meaning Figge had a huge head start on her trip across the Atlantic. It'd be like somebody saying they ran across America after starting in Cincinnati. Problem Number Two: (and this illustrates how easily we all just accept these stories we read) It's been determined that swimming 2,100 miles in 25 days would be IMPOSSIBLE. Michael Phelps swimming his fastest would take about 20 days to cover that distance, BUT thats at his fastest pace, sustained for three weeks, without ever stopping. Impossible. Today, the Associated press had this to say:
"Figge swam only a fraction of the 2,100-mile journey. The rest of the time, she rested on her crew's catamaran. Her spokesman [said] that her total swimming distance has not been calculated yet, but that due to ocean hazards including inclement weather, he estimates she swam about 250 miles."
So, she didn't exactly swim across the Atlantic. She really kind of sailed across it.
What's her next stunt going to be? Swimming across the Pacific..........in a 747?
Now, the calzone thing...........we talked about it this morning and it just keeps getting better. Basically, this guy goes into a place called Goomba's Pizzaria in Palm Coast, Florida and orders a calzone. He decides he doesn't like it so he goes up to the counter to complain to the owner. I would say that was his first mistake. When you're in a place called Goomba's Pizzeria, it's probably not a good idea to complain about the Italian food. In fact, it's probably not a good idea to complain about ANYTHING. The owner, Joseph Milano, hops over the counter and starts pistol whipping the customer. Here's the best part: It turns out that Joseph Milano isn't Joseph Milano at all. He was arrested for possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, and that prompted the local newspaper to check into Milano's background. They discovered that Milano's real name is Joseph Calco, an ex-mob guy who worked for the Gambino crime family in the Northeast. He turned informant on the family and had been living in Florida under the witness protection program. He was supposed to to keeping a low profile, but so much for that.
There's more good news. The whole thing was caught on surveillance video and of course, it's on YouTube. Just put a search in for CALZONE ATTACK AT GOOMBA'S. I've come up with a great new slogan for Goomba's.
"GOOMBA'S PIZZARIA, LEAVE THE GUN, TAKE THE CALZONE"
Whadda ya tink?
posted by Denny # 5:03 PM 
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